My grandparents and we had two cottages by a lake. My grandpa would often leave my grandma in the cottage alone while he went fishing with the neighbor. So for her protection, he bought her an airhorn. The drill was that if Grandma were ever in trouble, she just had to sound the horn three times.
Well, one morning when Grandpa was out fishing with the neighbor, Grandma was brushing her teeth. We didn't have plumbing at this time, so she went outside to spit. She spat and when she looked up, she was almost face-to-face with a bear, and noticed that her toothpaste foam had missed hitting it by a couple inches.
She hobbled back into the cottage and sounded the airhorn three times. The neighbor's wife came running to my Grandma's aid. When my Grandma spotted her, she rushed to the door and yelled, "QUICK! GET INSIDE! BEEEEAAAAAR!" The neighbor woman came inside and the two of them huddled, waiting for their husbands to come home.
Meanwhile on the lake, when the two men heard the airhorn blow three times, my grandpa turned to his fishing buddy and said, "What kind of a duck do you suppose that was?"
8 comments:
Nice story. One of the first rules of humor (although I can see I don't need to tell you this): Ducks are funny.
Now I just have to see if I have correctly ascertained your identity. (Important question: Do you know Tolkein Boy?)
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Also:
My! you're prolific!
(Answering my own question.)
I see you do. And you also know Miss Hass. I am beginning to wonder if, should we meet on the street, we would scream, run sobbing, and hug for a full dozen minutes.
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I told your story around the table to Lady Steed and her parents and they want to know if the fearsome beast had its way with your grandmother.
Do tell.
You know, I was once explaining to a friend how to tell a good story. I used the following story to illustrate:
When my grandparents were newlyweds, they went to a zoo where they saw some gorillas. The male gorilla was trying to be tender to the female gorilla---making advances and such. The female gorilla kept swatting him away any time he'd come close and touch her. My grandpa started laughing very loudly and called out to the gorilla, "Ha ha ha! She don't want none of you!" The gorilla then turned to my grandpa, picked up a piece of his own poo and threw it at my grandpa.
Now, I explained to my friend that the story would be ruined if anyone asked, "Did the poo hit your grandpa?" Because that's simply not the point of the story. If it had, I would have mentioned it. The point of the story was that the gorilla picked up his own crap and threw it at my grandpa! Because he completely understood what my grandpa was saying, even though they didn't speak the same language. And that's pure comedy right there.
So, to answer your unnecessary question, no. The bear did not have any way with my grandma, thank you very much.
Anyway, I don't think that I actually know you, but I haven't talked to Nemesis yet. I was at Master FoB's house tonight, but I really didn't discuss it in any length, other than to get a little clue as to how you're maybe tied to Nemesis. But I will discuss this with her at length.
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You're right of course about telling stories. But the questions will come anyway. Perhaps the ideal is to have another dropoff to throw them off.
I'm a little concerned about what Master Fob may have said, since I mentioned one little bit of the whole story to him and it, ah, may have been misleading....
I don't think that you should be concerned about what Master FoB said. Mostly I talked to Foxy J and she mentioned your first name and mentioned some marriage that connected you to Nemesis in some way, but since I don't know Foxy J and Master FoB very well, I thought I'd just talk to Nemesis about the whole thing when I get a chance. Which will be tomorrow. Since I've known Nemesis for years, she'll be able to tell me if I actually know you or not.
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Well, phew.
And here I thought I had just compromised my entire reputation as a not creepy sort of guy....
Yeah, you basically have the best stories ever. I have a life that is disappointingly devoid of junkyard bears and crap-tossing gorillas. But I do have a great uncle who trained his dog to poop on people's bumpers, so maybe that counts for something.
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