Back in Town

Well, I have been trying to think of interesting things to post---or more accurately, a single-themed idea to post---but I'm coming up blank, mostly because I'm focused on the pain that my menstrual cramps are causing me right now. But when I had to decide between spending my lunch passed out on the break room couch or writing a new post, I chose to write a new post, because Nemesis was complaining and I love her.

So. I didn't give an official goodbye on my blog. Sorry to abandon you all! I went to southern Utah this weekend to attend a family reunion. We rented an enormous lodge near Zion's National Park. I'll post some pretty choice pictures when we upload them (warning: adult content only! pictures of me in bathing suit!). I'm not saying "enormous lodge" to boast that my family is rich. No, I mean that my family is huge. My grandparents had eight kids (this is obviously not the side of the family from which I inherit all fantastic family heirlooms) and the oldest of them is now in his late 60s. So there was a range of people from my grandpa all the way down to my cousins' children. And although some of them have reached child-bearing age, we're glad that they're not bearing children just yet (the oldest of the fourth generation are about 18, I believe).

Higlights from the weekend included seeing Brother 3. We don't get to see him that often. He travels around the U.S.A. installing antrax detectors in the post offices. He's also made a goal to sleep outside for 100 nights this summer. He's already slept outside for about 77 or 78. He has so many hysterical stories about raccoons, wolves, bears, other campers, etc., that I've decided that I'm going to write his book. It'll be called A Hundred Nights: The Summer of an Anti-Terrorist. The family is excited about it, but he's already said that he's not that excited---he only likes to tell a story once, he says. I'll try to convince him otherwise.

We also experienced a mad book swap this weekend. Everyone brought a book, and once someone finished a book, he/she grabbed a book that someone else brought and read it, too. So I think that a total of three different people read the Something Something Something about the Dog Something book, and three different people were reading David Sedaris's Dress Your Family in Cuorderoy and Denim. I started reading Kitchen Confidential, which is a really cool book if you don't mind some rather foul language and some pretty terrible stories from our nation's restaurant kitchens. Brother 2 started reading Things Fall Apart. I think those were the main books that were making the rounds.

Like any good movie or family reunion, there was lots of gratuitous nudity. There often is when Brother 3 is around. When he was in grade 12, he fell off a bike on a gravel hill and slid for about 30 feet. It took the skin right off his leg and right butt cheek. Many, many people had to see his butt, and my mom had to dress his wounds every day, and the boy completely lost his sense of modesty. Eight of us were staying in one room of the lodge. The room had an attached bathroom. Brother 1 was in the shower when Brother 3 decided that he wanted in. So he just jumped in. We could hear laughing and fighting and screaming coming from the bathroom. Then Brother 3 called out, "Oh no! I dropped the soap!" About 2 minutes later, when Brother 3 was finished with his shower, he came out of the bathroom, naked as the day he was born, except for a towel that he casually held with one hand for censorship. He was standing about 3 feet away from our only sister-in-law (Brother 1's wife). My mother, who was not in the room, opened the door to the room, exposing Brother 3 to the rest of the lodge.

My parents keep asking themselves what they did wrong. Actually, when they ask, we tell them exactly all the things they did to make us who we are today, and I would write about those things, but I wouldn't want my parents to disown me for publicly exposing them.

We made a spur-of-the-moment trip to Las Vegas yesterday to drop Brother 3 off there so that he could catch his flight (this morning). We wanted to go to Bobby Flay's restaurant. So we went---all eight of us---and the hostess told us that we'd only have to wait a few minutes. During those "few minutes," I told my family all about how you're never supposed to eat Sunday brunches since that's when the restaurant tries to sell and get rid of all its leftovers and scraps (I learned about all this in Kitchen Confidential). The only thing that Bobby Flay's restaurant was serving yesterday was brunch (a whole day of brunch!). So we were all waiting for a few minutes... and a few more minutes... and a few more minutes. Finally, my sister-in-law (for the Pearceans---she's as red as they come) got up to talk to the hostesses.

S-i-l: So what's the holdup?

Hostess: Well, we're just waiting for some room for your party.

S-i-l: Okay. Well, are there two tables that you can push together? Because I've seen some tables that are free. Can't you just push them together and have us seated?

Hostess: We're waiting for a table space to clear up.

S-i-l: Okay, but I can see some tables that you can push together.

Hostess: Well, we're waiting for the large table to clear up. We've been able to let some smaller groups of people in before you, but we're waiting for room for your party.

S-i-l: So you've let others in before us? And you're not willing to push tables together?

Hostess: Well, we're understaffed.

S-i-l: Okay. So you're understaffed, but you were able to let people in before us. Look. I've worked this job before. I know how it works. It's not actually all that complicated.

Hostess: Well what do you want me to do?

Has the s-i-l not suggested putting tables together enough already?

A "few minutes" later, we decided to all walk out and decided that we weren't going to pay the inflated prices for Bobby Flay's brunch leftovers, because obviously he wasn't too eager to have our business anyway. I mean, I've never actually worked in the restaurant business before, but I would tend to think that you want to actually keep groups of eight really hungry adults. I guess I was wrong.

So it's time for me to get back to work and this blog entry is long enough anyway. Maybe if I'm lucky, eddie will laugh out loud, or I can get an offer for a ps2. Here's hoping...