Dating Lance

I'm sure that many if not most of you have seen the DateLance site (http://datelance.com). My friend---we'll call her Kitty---received an email from a friend, suggesting that she apply. So while Kitty and I were volunteering yesterday, and we were oh so busy, we went ahead and applied for her to date Lance. Here's her application:


What is your idea of the perfect first date with Lance?

Kitty enjoys a wide range of activities. At first, I'd say that she'd love to go on a hike or a bike ride on a first date with Lance, but she recently hurt her foot while she was wakeboarding and the podiatrist has advised her to keep off it! So she'll need something a little less active. I've often heard that watching a movie on the first date isn't a great idea---she would agree. She loves to meet other people and listen and talk, so any activity that involves a lot of interaction is ideal. One of her hobbies is cooking (French and Italian food!), so cooking a meal together would be a great activity if Lance enjoys cooking as well. She's a cultured girl, so she's interested in plays, museums, or musical performances.

Basically, I think the ideal date would be for you guys to make dinner together and then go to an art museum or a symphony, or even a sporting event.


Please write a paragraph or short essay about why you should date Lance.

My friend Kitty(I call her Kit) is, in a way, my boss. We met each other at work five years ago and since then, she's taken on new responsibilities and has been promoted waaaaaaay above me. The great thing is that we're still close friends---that's the kind of person that she is. So let me tell you all the reasons that you should be dating her.

Kit comes from a large family, just like you. She is the seventh of nine kids. This means that she knows how to deal with large families and hey---it's what she's comfortable with, too. Making spaghetti for seventeen? She's all over it. Driving a minivan? It's what she aspires to.

Kit is also one of the most caring-on-the-ball-thoughtful-proactive people I know. I just recently moved into an unfurnished apartment with my little brother. She knew that I'd have no furniture, so she---without my ever asking her to---managed to collect a ton of furniture for me this summer. Every time she heard that someone was giving something away, she ran and picked up the item for me. When I was ready to move in, thanks to her, I had an entertainment unit, a dresser, a table and chair set, paper lanterns, an area rug, bulbs to plant in my garden, and picture frames. If I hadn't already had a bed and a TV, she would have found me those things, too. It's simply the way she is---she's always thinking about other people, and always finding ways to help out.

Allow me to tell you the really cool story of how Kit got me the bulk of my furniture. She is a Nazi visiting teacher---the one the Relief Society assigns to all the "challenging" sisters. Her philosophy is, "You will be visit-taught! You will receive cookies and candy and all that crap! You will receive happy notes from me so that you know I care!" (Have I mentioned that she's got a great sense of humor and has me doubled-over laughing every time she voices this philosophy?) She has to visit the sisters who peek through the blinds and pretend that they're not home when she tries to visit. She has to visit the sisters who hang up the phone when she calls.

So one day, she received a phone call at 2:00 p.m., while she was busy being my boss at work, that went something like this:

"Hi, Kitty? I know you're my visiting teacher because you keep leaving all this stuff at my door, and my mom told me I should call you and you could help me out... uh... I have to be moved out of my apartment by 5:00 today and I haven't even started packing."

Kitty started calling every single person she knew to help with the move. Three hours later, the girl was completely moved out of her apartment. Extra furniture (read: all the stuff that she ended up giving to Kitty to give to me) was moved into Kit's basement. The rest of the furniture and the rest of this girl's earthly possessions were packed into a U-Haul, ready to go to St. George. All done, three hours after making a call to Visiting Teacher Supreme, Kitty.

Kitty served a mission in Paris, France. (Ooh la la! Elle parle francais aussi? C'est superbe et hyper-sexy!) She graduated from BYU with a degree in marketing communications with minors in business and French. She will be finishing her master's degree in 2006.

Kit, in a word (since 934 words aren't sufficient) is funloving (I omitted the hyphen to make it into ONE word). Take her anywhere and she'll have a blast. She's got a knack for finding fun wherever she goes. Recently she was volunteering for a job that everyone else described as "boring." After five hours of sitting at a table and handing out name tags to people, two elderly ladies came up and commented that it must be a boring job. Kit said, "I'm having a great time!" She can make any job into a party---a productive party (refer back to the part where I said that she got promoted waaaaay above me).

Kit has so many other qualities. (You'll notice that this isn't a "short essay" and it certainly isn't a paragraph, and it talks about why you should date Kit instead of focusing on why Kit should date you, but hey. I'm the one who's breaking the rules, not Kit. And I'm a freaking English major, so I can't help but be verbose.) I could go on, but I need to leave something for you to discover on the first date and the second date and the third date and...

Try asking her about the following things:

*When she lived in Belgium and St. Lucia
*White water rafting
*Her love of traveling
*Her gosh-darn-cute nieces and nephews
*Her cute and available friend Cicada

So that's it! Why should she date you? Because you'll have a good time, she'll have a good time, and heck. It just might work out.

Oh, and did I mention she's REALLY HOT?