The Church of Latter-day Singles

Nemesis sent this article to me and a few others and ask for our comments. Read the article if you like---it's long, though.

http://www.washingtoncitypaper.com/cover/2005/cover0729.html

My summary (without rereading it, so I might be getting a couple details wrong) is simply this: A girl from the D.C. area talks about being single. She is 33 and has recently moved from the singles' ward to the family ward. She is very liberal and quite candid. She even goes so far as to use the f-word a couple times.

I really sympathize with her situation. I am 24 and single, and I feel old (she comments in the article that once you are 24 or 25, you're "off the conveyor belt"). I won't lie and say that I don't envy pretty much every person who has found marital bliss. My mother can attest to the fact that I think about my single status a lot, and I am even known to whine and complain about it. Some days I'm downright bitter. I am painfully aware of when exactly the last time I was kissed was (one year, one month, 27 days...) and I'm also aware of the time I generally average between kisses (2.5 years). I have no idea when and if I will find a reciprocal and fulfilling relationship with the man of my dreams. So much of my life is uncertain at this point; I just don't know what the future holds.

All that being said, allow me to be at least a little critical of the view expressed in this article. What I believe is that we can all choose our attitude. I apply this to myself and to everyone else: I can choose to be bitter all the time about my status as a singleton, or I can choose to accept what life's given me now and work with it and be happy.

The article describes one particular Sacrament meeting where a young pregnant woman gets up to give a talk:

A very pregnant young woman totters up to the podium to deliver a talk on fighting impure thoughts. Before she begins her prepared remarks, however, she launches into her bio, ostensibly to introduce herself but effectively a laundry list of her "accomplishments": She and her hubby, both from Utah, began dating at 17; her husband served a two-year mission in Sweden; they married when he returned, both graduated from Brigham Young University (where the joke is that if you don't get married by graduation, you get your tuition back), and moved to Washington so her husband could attend law school; they have a 2-year-old boy and are expecting another child in a few weeks. The young woman recounts this with obvious pride. Although she looks as if she could still be in high school, her story is not only unremarkable in the church but also what the vast majority of young Mormon women aspire to.

The next paragraph is as follows:

Taylor snorts. "This is going to sound a little bitter," she says later, "but her resume was picture-perfect. There's a side of me that wants to scream, "What the f***? Why just get up and tell us that?" I have nothing to say except, "I've successfully stayed a virgin and I'm 33," or "I went on three dates last week and nobody touched my boobies." I have no other way to show my faithfulness. I'm being really irreverent, but it's true."

I'm fairly intolerant of being critical of those speaking from the pulpit. Sure, maybe some people deserve a bit of criticism, but I'd rather give people the benefit of the doubt. The majority of people asked to speak in Church are nervous to be speaking in front of everyone. They have not chosen their topic. They deliver a talk on their topic according to their own personal experience in the best way they know how to. Certain people have a gift for public speaking. Others don't. For the most part, the speakers are trying their best, and they are certainly not trying to offend anyone.

I guess I could go on and point out all the areas where I disagree with Taylor in her views or in the way that she chooses to express herself. I won't do that, though, because I've run out of time. What I will do, to reward everyone for reading this rant, is post the poem that I wrote in response to this article. Enjoy!


Sunday Singles Scene


I've heard it called the "Fashion Show"
where unwed men and women go
to worship God. Banana-clad,
they praise who wears the latest fad.

They come in late and choose the pew
that has an advantageous view
of who's dressed nice (and who is not)
of who, right now, is looking hot.

They fold their arms and bow their heads
and take the sacramental bread,
then pass the tray and take a peak
at who does not partake this week.

And during talks on Making Choices,
they gossip, all, in lowered voices:
"I hear she kissed the EQP!"
"But last week she was kissing me!"

And when their Sunday meetings end,
they look around to find their friends
and walk around and mince and mingle.
It's all part of being single.

I've heard the term "Meat Market" too,
where singles search for someone new.
The YSA attend their ward
to find a mate and love the Lord.

With candy words and sugar tongue
some say, "Oh well. Your time will come!"
to those, too many times rejected,
who wish their love lives resurrected.