Is that your final answer?

I had an interesting bird watching final yesterday. It was my final final. The first half of the test was a bird-identification test. The teacher or his TA gave away almost every answer. He'd hold up a dead, stuffed bird and ask what kind of bird it was. Here are some samples. See if you can get them right:

1. This was the first bird that Noah sent out from the ark. [Holds up a very large black bird.] Noah sent a raven out before sending a dove. A raven. Question 1: Name this bird.

2. [Holds up a large raptor (bird of prey).] Some people would describe this hawk as having a red tail. Name this bird.

3. Name this goldfinch. [Holds up an American goldfinch. Puts down the goldfinch, goes to the piano, plays America the Beautiful.]

4. [Holds up a bird that no one's ever seen before.] This is a dipper. [Talks for ten minutes on why dippers are so cool.] Dipper. The answer is dipper. Write down dipper.

5. Name this bird. Oh. It's not on the list of birds you have to know? Well, it's a snowy egret. Name this bird.

6. Name this duck. Don't be fooled. There's something distinctive about this duck. [The duck has a huge bill, so I know it's a shoveler.]

7. [Holds up a new duck.] Name four ducks this is not. Just four ducks that this duck is not. What are four ducks this is not? [He's seriously asking the class now.] I say "Mallard." He responds, "Correct. This duck is not a mallard. This duck is also not a shoveler--" [Here, he points to the duck that he showed in number 6.] "This duck is not a wood duck or a gadwall."

8. [Holds up a meadowlark.] You can find this bird in meadows.

9. Everybody, look up "kingfisher" in your books. Kingfisher. Look at that bird. Isn't that a great bird? [Holds up a bird that is not a kingfisher.] What is this bird? [A student says, "It's not a kingfisher." He says, "No, this bird is not a kingfisher." Student says, "Why did you just show us a kingfisher." He says, "Because the kingfisher's a cool bird."]

So yeah. When it comes right down to it, I'm glad I didn't study too hard for that test. The second part of the test was an essay response to "Why is it so easy to love bears?" I wrote this story and then wrote a few biological reasons they're cool, and started to be very conscious of the fact that the Daltoncrew was waiting in their car outside to take me to the Blog Party, so I brought the essay to a hasty conclusion with the sentence, "They are dangerously cuddly creatures that are just lovable."

And then I gave thanks that I'm not graduating today, because I really don't want that to be the last sentence of my college career.