I haven't actually blogged about this yet because I'm hesitant to post a story that even mentions the word "tampons." But here it is. This post will mention the word "tampons." I'll limit my use of the word "tampons" to only twice, however, so don't be afraid. If, however, you find that the word "tampons" makes you pink just to read, then I suggest that you read someone else's blog that has nothing to do with "tampons."
When Perv and I moved into this apartment (Perv, you remember, is The Boy's new name), he announced to me that as long as I never left any tampons in the toilet, then he'd never leave the toilet seat up.
"I've never had a problem leaving tampons in the toilet, Perv," I said.
"I'm really good about putting the toilet seat down," said Perv.
And so it was. I would make sure that my feminine products were properly flushed and he would put the toilet seat down.
Except that he didn't. He would always leave it up. There was a time when I was sorely tempted to deliberately not take care of certain feminine products, but that's just sick and wrong and I could never bring myself to do it. Finally, I started mentioning it to Perv.
Cicada: You know, if you don't start putting the toilet seat up, I'm going to have to stop doing what I said I'd always do.
Perv: I always put the toilet seat down.
Cicada: I find it up on a regular basis.
Perv: Well, Mishkin is over here quite often. I bet he's leaving it up.
Cicada: That's ridiculous. Mishkin is OCD and anal retentive. He spent forty minutes arranging our spice cupboard. He deliberately broke a plate so that we could have an even number of small plates in the house. He has not been leaving the toilet seat up.
Since then, any time I've found the toilet seat up, I've called it to Perv's attention, and suggested that maybe Mishkin was actually responsible:
"Perv! It's 8:00 a.m. and the toilet seat is up! Did you invite Mishkin over last night without my knowledge?"
I'll be even better now that Mishkin is going to Indonesia. I'll curse his name every time I find the toilet seat up. Wherever he is, whatever he's doing, it's probably all his fault.