Of Mice and Boys

Tonight the whole family was at my place. Things were unusually calm throughout the afternoon. As I was making dinner, Brothers 1 and 3 were passed out in the livingroom and my sister-in-law was helping me cook. (Traditionalists? My family? Never! The men cleaned the dishes after dinner.) We ate our dinner and watched "The Nightmare Before Christmas." Then, after the food had settled and the sugar from the pot of candy I have in the living room went to my brothers' brains, things started getting rowdy.

Kit came over to discuss a book that she needs to do a presentation on in class tomorrow and while she and I were in my bedroom, the noise level in the kitchen started to rise. The boys had found my stash of useless mouse traps (the ones that the mice licked the peanut butter off of without ever setting them off) and started setting them and throwing them at each other. This continued for several minutes---they even had the decency to throw a couple into the bedroom so that Kit and I could feel like a part of it all.

Suddenly---and Kit can attest to this---we heard violent screaming and yelling coming from the kitchen. I thought maybe a mousetrap had clamped down on its nipple target (they seemed to like throwing them at each others' nipples), so I ermerged from the bedroom fully expecting to see a trap dangling from a nipple. Instead, I saw Brother 3 with a power drill.

"What happened?" I asked.

"Brother 3 drilled into his arm," said my sister-in-law.

I looked at my brother again to see that there was an indentation where he'd put the drill to his own arm.

"Wanna see?" he asked.

He put the drill to his arm again and turned it on. The bit grabbed his skin and twisted it so that it folded into a star pattern. He screamed again as the rest of us couldn't stop laughing.

This time he had twisted the skin enough to make himself bleed a little (and I do mean a very little). On closer inspection, we could all see that the area was starting to bruise quite nicely.

When the evening was winding down and everyone was getting ready to leave, and Brother 3 made me yell because I caught him rinsing off his neosporin-ed finger into my water filter, I opened the fridge to find the surprise that my brothers had intended me to find later. I had bought a fresh pineapple core a few days ago, and I'd been saving it as a treat. I never treat myself to fresh pineapple. I cut up most of it and put it in the fruit salad, but I saved a quarter for myself. When I opened the fridge, I found a set mousetrap inside the container with the leftover pineapple. As I brought it out of the fridge and started yelling at the boys for doing such a stupid thing, the trap went off, which only made it all funnier.

It's good to have the family all together.


daltongirl said...

So I guess you didn't end up needing my creme brulee torch after all. See, all of those things would have just made me mad, and made me hate my brother. Maybe that's the problem. I only have one brother.

I think you're cool for laughing at them. I'm doing my best not to be indignant about the pineapple.

Limon said...

This reminds me that my brothers (I have four older and one younger) were not nearly as dirsuptive as they could have been--but then not as entertaining either.
They just liked to play butt tag.

ambrosia ananas said...

I'm amazed. Such physical interactions between my brothers would rapidly have become open attempts at bloodshed. People would've been wearing mousetraps on their noses and *in* their noses and other unmentionable places. (Unmentioned for lack of creativity on my part, not for questionable content.)

I'm still stunned that your brother put a power drill to his *own* arm and operated (what's the appropriate verb here? this one just doesn't seem strong enough; perhaps "and jammed it into the flesh and twisted the flesh in an excruciating manner") it repeatedly.

Cicada said...

DG---Don't get mad. You'd have to meet them. They are all so absolutely hysterical that you can't get mad at anything they do. My mother had this problem while they were growing up. She'd try to yell at them but they'd be making her laugh so hard the whole time that even though she really was mad, she lost all credibility.

About the pineapple, Brother 2 has already bought a replacement. They're good boys, they really are.

Miss Hass said...

Man, I'm so jealous. I always wanted brothers like that. Don't get me wrong, mine are cool, just not THAT cool.

Coop said...

Brozy, the statement I'm still stunned that your brother put a power drill to his *own* arm proves only that you don't understand men. Which is actually probably a good thing.

JB said...

Your brothers sound a lot like mine! It made me miss them. In a good way. :)

kit said...

It's true...I attest. But it was wildly hilarious.