La Vita E Bella

I grew up "in the mission field" with a false belief that Utah was a dating haven. I thought that as soon as I got to Utah, I'd be participating in hundreds and hundreds of dates with beautiful, spiritual, and eligible men.

When I was eighteen, I moved from Canada to St. George and was ready for my love life to begin. I met a guy named Bob and immediately developed a crush on him. He was a geek, and I liked geeks. He was skinny and like Billy Joel. He also owned or managed the tire store that fixed my brakes while I was there.

Well, one day he came into my respectable place of work to buy some ice cream. It was a Friday, and I decided to ask him to go with me to see Life Is Beautiful, which was at the dollar theatre. If only I knew then what I know now, I wouldn't have asked him. He said he'd already seen it. I should have clued in at this point that if the guy were interested in me, he'd have said yes, and gone to see it with me anyway. I was stupid though, and I persisted: "Well, did you want to see it again??" I guess he realized at this point that there was no way around it other than to lie (I have plans tonight) or tell the truth (I am not even remotely interested in you) or simply say yes. So he said that he'd pick me up at about 6:30.

I went home and I called my mom and told her that I had a date! So exciting. Life was truly beautiful.

At 6:30, I was waiting for Bob. At 6:45, I was still waiting for Bob. At 6:55, I was thinking about that movie that was going to start in five minutes. At 6:56, Bob came and apologized for being late. He assured me that since he'd seen the movie, he'd be able to explain whatever we missed.

We got to the dollar theatre, and I felt awkward when he paid for me since I had invited him, but I didn't really know what else to do. When he offered to buy candy/snacks for the movie, I declined, first because I felt awkward making him pay for my candy and second because I really wanted to get into the theatre to see the movie. He decided to buy candy for himself, though, so after I'd already declined candy, I still had to wait with him in line instead of watching the movie that I wanted to see so badly.

Once we got into the theatre, we took our seats and started watching. Guido (Benigni) kept stealing a man's hat. Bob leaned over to me and said, "He keeps stealing that man's hat." This annoyed me, because I thought that was pretty obvious. Bob continued to make very obvious statements about the movie.

Still near the begining, Guido and his roommate are sharing a bed. Bob leaned over to me and said, "They're not gay. They're just roommates." This was too much.

I leaned over to Bob and said, "I know. But thanks for clarifying that for me." What I wanted to say was, "Oh! Thank you! Thank you for explaining that to me, because if you hadn't told me, I would have thought this movie was about homosexual Jews overcoming their homosexuality in Italy during the Holocaust!"

Nevertheless, it seemed that the sarcasm from my thanks for clarifying that for me held enough weight. Bob was silent for the rest of the movie.

When the movie was over, at about 9:00, Bob and I got back into his car. At that point, I wondered where he'd take me. Would he take me out for ice cream? Would he ask me, "What do you want to do now?" As we talked about the movie, I noticed that Bob was taking the familiar route home. So it was that I was dropped off at about 9:00 on a Friday night.

"And good thing, too!" I shouted as I cried myself to sleep. I could simply never love a man who talks during movies.


daltongirl said...

At least he didn't drive you to an unfamiliar neighborhood and then make you wait in the car while he went in to take drugs. You didn't mention whether or not he confessed to a murder on your date, but if he had, I bet you would have said so.

And Utah IS dating heaven compared to central California, where there are about three single LDS guys, and all of them are over fifty and have debilitating issues. When I moved here I was grateful for the two or three dates a year I got. Even when they were with guys that didn't know that Star Wars and Star Trek are two different movies. Perhaps I'll share that story sometime on my own blog.

And don't you just love Roberto Begnini, no matter who you're with?

redlaw said...

It's interesting, isn't it? Utah boys don't want to be asked out by girls and yet, the never ask girls out...hmmm....I think that means they just want to be single and alone FOREVER.

I miss the boys in the midwest who would ask me out and then try to score on the first was uncomfortable and often awkward but at least I got to see some good movies....

metamorphose said...

After reading limon's post about the girl that asked him out on a date, I think most Utah boys are too much of a romantic...more than the women.

The women just want someone to take them to dinner and a movie. (And pay for it, and not bring another girl along.)

The boys, well they want fairytales. They want perfection immediately...they're not willing to just go out and have a good time, unless they already have had a spiritual witness that a certain woman is THE one. Other wise, they'd rather save they money, and play video games at home. Especially the older they get.

metamorphose said...

Hey Cicada, did you go to Dixie while living in St. George? I went there for my freshman year of college. So I was there from Fall of '99 to Spring '00.

Cicada said...


I didn't go to Dixie. I was just living with my grandparents, working at the Dairy Queen and earning American dollars, which was a better plan than staying in Canada, working at Wendy's, and earning Canadian dollars. I was there from Feb 1999 to Aug 1999, at which point I came to BYU.

metamorphose said...

Sadly, I don't think I went to the DQ while I lived in St. George. Unfortunately, I lived across the street from a McDonald's.

Good old St. George. By the way, I totally saw one of those scippo cars the other day, or whatever they're called.

Limon said...

I am sorry that Utah has been such a bust for you. If only life could really be like it is in Elder Oaks's fireside talk. I blame boys for being scared and girls for being forward. They are forward because the boys are not asking them out and the boys don't ask them out because they are scared the girl is too forward. It's a vicious cycle. But at least you shut up in time to enjoy part of the movie.

Cicada said...

At least he shut up in time for me to enjoy the movie!

metamorphose said...

"They are forward because the boys are not asking them out and the boys don't ask them out because they are scared the girl is too forward."

Okay. Can this be reversed? The boys be more forward, and have the girls not ask out? We forward women may die alone, but at least no can say we didn't try.

Limon said...

sorry, I meant "at least you shut him up in time to enjoy the movie." That's an important little pronoun.

Char said...

daltongirl said...
"At least he didn't drive you to an unfamiliar neighborhood and then make you wait in the car while he went in to take drugs."

This happened to me. I was scared to death. Needless to say I dropped him off at home and disappeared from his life...

Since moving to Memphis TN I get hit on, but its usually by men who have spent more money on the gold in their teeth (ew) than on the car they are driving. (They seem to hit on me alot while I'm pumping gas. It could be my car (z28) or my big booty. lol.)
Or ... no teeth at all. Or are dressed bad with even worse bad hair.

I get hit on by african american men a lot. This in and of itself is fine, just interesting because most white, asian, mexican, etc. men keep on walking. Strange! My friends here say it's because (black) men like a more "full figured" woman. Lol Lol...
Ok.. whatever. :)