Or at least that's what I'll tell The Boy when he wakes up to find a used pot, a box of Rice Krispies, an open bag of marshmallows, and an empty Pyrex 9X13 pan with a few sticky rice puffs in it.
It shouldn't shock anyone to know that I still weigh 175 lbs. The good news is that my weight hasn't fluctuated (I mean, gone up) since May. The bad news is that this time last year, I weighed 155. This would explain why I can't even squeeze into the pair of pants that used to be my "comfy pants for work" last year.
I think that I'm eating health food. I think, "I'll make Rice Krispie treats, because those are low fat! And they're made from cereal!!" and then I eat the whole pan. I may as well have just taken out the stick of butter that went into the squares and sucked on it like a popsicle. No, really. I should have. Because butter by itself induces vomitting. Bulemics the whole world round know that trick.
The truths are:
- I'm not getting enough fruits and vegetables.
- I have made myself dependent on chocolate.
- I never, ever exercise, even though I have a gym membership.
- I actively look for excuses to use bullets in my posts.
- I don't have good eating patterns: I go one day without eating because I'm too caught up in what I'm doing, but I gorge myself the next day.
- I eat out way too often.
So there it is. The skinny on being fat. (I promise I'll write the article! I promise!) If I don't change something soon, nothing's going to change. That's brilliant, isn't it!
*Kit: No, I still don't want to go on your 1500-calorie diet.
**Daltonboy: I exaggerate as much as I overeat. Here are this post's embellishments: 1) I cleaned the dishes and put the marshmallows and Rice Krispies away, 2) I actually ate less than half of the pan, 3) I probably weighed closer to 160 around this time last year, 4) Less than half of a stick of butter goes into a pan of RK squares.
Things I didn't embellish: 1) I actually weigh 175 lbs, 2) I actually have the proud thought that I'm eating health food before I do stupid things like this, 3) I really can't actually squeeze into those pants; the truth is horrifying, 4) I have actually witnessed the purging effects of eating butter straight at a raucous game of Truth or Dare, 5) I do promise to write the article "The Skinny on Being Fat."