Health Food Addict

I made a pan of Rice Krispie squares and invited eleven friends over to share them with me.

Or at least that's what I'll tell The Boy when he wakes up to find a used pot, a box of Rice Krispies, an open bag of marshmallows, and an empty Pyrex 9X13 pan with a few sticky rice puffs in it.

It shouldn't shock anyone to know that I still weigh 175 lbs. The good news is that my weight hasn't fluctuated (I mean, gone up) since May. The bad news is that this time last year, I weighed 155. This would explain why I can't even squeeze into the pair of pants that used to be my "comfy pants for work" last year.

I think that I'm eating health food. I think, "I'll make Rice Krispie treats, because those are low fat! And they're made from cereal!!" and then I eat the whole pan. I may as well have just taken out the stick of butter that went into the squares and sucked on it like a popsicle. No, really. I should have. Because butter by itself induces vomitting. Bulemics the whole world round know that trick.

The truths are:
  • I'm not getting enough fruits and vegetables.
  • I have made myself dependent on chocolate.
  • I never, ever exercise, even though I have a gym membership.
  • I actively look for excuses to use bullets in my posts.
  • I don't have good eating patterns: I go one day without eating because I'm too caught up in what I'm doing, but I gorge myself the next day.
  • I eat out way too often.

So there it is. The skinny on being fat. (I promise I'll write the article! I promise!) If I don't change something soon, nothing's going to change. That's brilliant, isn't it!

*Kit: No, I still don't want to go on your 1500-calorie diet.

**Daltonboy: I exaggerate as much as I overeat. Here are this post's embellishments: 1) I cleaned the dishes and put the marshmallows and Rice Krispies away, 2) I actually ate less than half of the pan, 3) I probably weighed closer to 160 around this time last year, 4) Less than half of a stick of butter goes into a pan of RK squares.

Things I didn't embellish: 1) I actually weigh 175 lbs, 2) I actually have the proud thought that I'm eating health food before I do stupid things like this, 3) I really can't actually squeeze into those pants; the truth is horrifying, 4) I have actually witnessed the purging effects of eating butter straight at a raucous game of Truth or Dare, 5) I do promise to write the article "The Skinny on Being Fat."

16 comments:

Limon said...

If only purging the contents of your stomach were as therapeutic as purging your guilt-ridden mind. Congratulations on being honest with yourself about your bad habits. And remember, you are still cute, regardless of whether your pants fit. (By the way, my work pants are squeezing a little tight these days too. I'd blame the bunker.)

Cicada said...

I do blame the bunker! I do! I gained about 15 to 20 pounds AFTER I started working here. I was trying to figure out what made my weight change for so long, and then I realized that the gain was coincident with my starting to work here. I think that it's partly due to the fact that I now have to take a bus or car to work instead of walking. Also, the old workplace was right beside the Creamery where I would go to buy yogurt and healthy snacks when I was hungry. Now, I'm stuck in a bunker with no food if I'm hungry other than Twix.

redlaw said...

Cicada,

If it makes you feel better, I gained almost 30 pounds after moving here in Feb. None of my clothes fit and I felt horrible, just ghastly - didn't even want to go out.

I joined Weight Watchers (ashamed to admit but a girl has to do something) and for 12 weeks, nothing happened - I didn't gain but I sure didn't lose.

In the past 3 weeks, I have finally begun to lose and it has been very slow, even at that.

I feel your pain. But you know what? Elder Holland was right in what he said during conference - we should love ourselves regardless of our new love handles (only mine aren't handles so much as they are actual living entities that are large enough to go out and get their own apartments).

I still think you are rad and really want to try that brie and strawberry concoction.

Snarky MorMom said...

Adding one large stick of butter to my shopping list...

Squirrel Boy said...

You promise to write lots of stuff. Remember The Ironical Chronicles? I sure do. I was supposed to have a whole chapter in there.

Cicada said...

I'd completely forgotten about the ironical chronicles! Man! I have obviously been a creative genius my entire life!

metamorphose said...

Hmmm...rice krispies....

Savvymom said...

Were they the rice krispies with peanut butter in them? I can eat like a whole batch of no bakes all by myself. It's pretty sad.

I think I might have to just stop baking. I keep telling myself I'm going to give it to other people, only I give SOME to others and eat the rest. That's how I lost weight last time- NO BAKED GOODS.

amyjane said...

So, three days ago, I decided to excercise my preganant person rights and insisted that Sean go find BYU Creamery Peanut Butter Cup ice cream. And then I proceeded to snack on it here and there. Little before dinner, cupful in the middle of the night, a few spoonfuls to chase down breakfast. Felt just a little glutonous when said sweet husband found the near empty container tonight. I really had no idea that I had eaten so much of it!

ambrosia ananas said...

Hey, that's funny. I've gained a little, too, since moving to the bunker. And our weights are so similar. If you take 175 and move the seven one to the right, then move the one two to the right and reverse the whole thing, you've got my weight.

daltongirl said...

Once again, proof positive that we are "as one," even BFF. I was thinking, hey, I weigh close to 175, but I weighed about 160 a year ago. I wonder if I could exaggerate to make it look like we are on the same page again. Then you confessed the truth. I was so pleased. Except you don't look at all like you weigh 175. You look like you weigh MAYBE 145. That's what I think.

I'm at the point where I have to do something. It's getting difficult to put my shoes on, and I really don't like it when my stomach sits on my lap. Also, I've started folding my hands over my stomach like a pregnant lady or fat guy watching football, and it makes me want to puke. Just not enough to eat a stick of butter.

Let us read Elder Holland's talk one more time . . .

Cicada said...

Brozy,

Are you kidding me? 157?? I'd give me left eye ball to weigh 157! (Ironically, I'd give my left eye ball, but I won't give my cookies, my rice krispies, my chocolate, my time that I spend watching tv instead of exercising...)

DG,

You and I are truly as one. Let us rejoice by fasting. If we rejoice enough, maybe we can get some results!

DP said...

I, too, porked up in the Bunker. Even when I was riding my bike there (almost) every day this summer. My hypothesis: the water cooler actually contains liquid fat, not water.

Limon said...

I thought I tastes canola . . .

ambrosia ananas said...

Ummmm, no. Not 157. Try again. (I *think* I did the directions right. Maybe.)

JB said...

Whew, I thought I was just being silly. You meant 751, right 'Brozy? I have to say that you don't look a pound over 140, but if you say 751 I'll belie--laugh. ;)

And to think, I thought this was going to be a great recipe blog. I'm glad it wasn't, though. I'm kinda doing the same thing right now, but I can't be bothered about my weight, because I'm focusing on other things.

"They" say that eating more often during the day helps keep your blood sugar levels even and makes you want to eat less. Plus, then you're never hungry. I think the trick is, like you said, to eat fewer Twix and more healthy snacks.

(But I like Twix. A lot!)