I'm sorry. I don't drink.

No one ever really notices if you're not a milk drinker. It's not like it comes up in social settings. You don't go to a restaurant with your friends and order your drink only to have them all turn on you.

"Oh, come on and let loose just this once. You mean to honestly tell me you never drink milk?"

"No. I never drink milk."

"Not even at Christmastime with cookies?"

"No, not even on Christmas with cookies or on any other holiday or with any other food."

"But what about in recipes? Do you eat things with milk in them?"

"Well, yes. In recipes the taste is cooked right out, isn't it?"

"On cereal?"

"Cereal makes me dry-heave."

"Because of the cereal?"

"Because of the milk."

"Are you lactose intolerant?"

"No. I just don't like milk."

"Oh, but why don't you try it just this once?"

"I'm sorry. I don't drink milk."

It really never happens. When you're eating cookies and someone offers you milk, it's easy to say, "I'd actually love some water, please." Then, no questions asked, your host brings you the water that will quench your thirst rather than the milk that will leave you heaving and phlegmmy.

On Saturday, Brother 2 came to pick me up to take me to Salt Lake and Park City for the day. He brought muffins and donuts for our breakfast, and I noticed that there were two bottles of milk in the cupholders, too.

I thought it might be interesting to try milk again. Afterall, I haven't touched the stuff for the purpose of drinking it for about two decades. I screwed off the red cap and took a swig to wash down the bran muffin I had just eaten. To me, it tasted just the same as I had always remembered. I managed to drink the whole bottle and considered rolling down the window for a drive-by puking for but a few moments. Then I was fine, albeit with cow taste in my plegmmy mouth.

"There!" I announced to Brother 2. "I did it. I drank it. And I still hate it."

"You don't drink milk?" he asked. (If your friends at restaurants won't notice, why should your family?)

"Nope. I haven't for pretty much most of my life. Can't stand it. But today, I figured I may as well try it, for the calcium if for nothing else."

"Where do you get your calcium, then?"

"I suppose I don't." And it's true. I'll drink calcium-fortified orange juice, not because I love orange juice (which I don't) but because I know I need the calcium. But I don't drink that much anymore, either, because I don't want to consume the calories. (And forsaking it has made such a difference in my figure! I mean, I'm pretty sure that I can attribute to my zero weight loss in the past several months to no calcium-fortified orange juice consumption. If I'd been drinking the stuff, surely I would have gained!)

"You know that your body is supposed to get all its calcium before you turn twenty-five," he said. I swear that Brother 2 knows everything.





So I have approximately two months to pack in all the calcium I've not been getting my entire life. I'll get right on it. By December 15th, I'll either look like a woman who's not going to break her hips easily, or I'll look like a giant piece of chalk due to the complete calcification of my body.


Th. said...


You and me both, sister.

FoxyJ said...

My mom grew up on a dairy farm and so I therefore grew up in a house dedicated to dairy products. It is still a little weird to run into people who don't think that milk is really the food of the gods. Maybe we should combine you and my mother and we'll come up with a happy medium.

Miss Hass said...

I hate milk, too. blech! I will sometimes have some with cookies. And maybe even, like, a teaspoon or two when I decide to eat breakfast cereal. But then there are the times when milk and I just can't seem to get along. During those times, I don't even get to eat ice cream or chocolate pudding. And that sucks.

Savvymom said...

Milk isn't the best source of calcium. Leafy greens and strawberries and stuff all have calcium, and now everything is fortified with it also. There are other ways. You can even take a Viactive chew. Those are good. kids OD on them all the time. My one friend makes her daughter drink garlic oil when she eats too many viactives. Wierd.

east said...

I love milk (whole, 2%, skim, just lay it on me). It's that strawberry watery crap that gives me the heebie-jeebies. And breakfast cereal with the single exception of plain Cheerios.

It's good that you tried it at least.

Coop said...

I'm proud of you for at least trying the Nectar of the Gods again. I'm a big believer in milk, and I will inject my kids with it on a daily basis if they don't like to drink it.

Careful though. My wife hated milk much the same as you 'til she had a baby. Now she actually voluntarily drinks a full glass every day. Just FYI.

daltongirl said...

Milk is for babies. Fact: most adults are lactose intolerant, or becoming increasingly lactose intolerant every day. It was never made for grown people to consume, except in baked goods. Also, it tastes disgusting. Unless you put enough Nesquik (no msg) in it. And by enough, I mean TONS.

Cici, my BFF, I can't believe you have never talked to me about your osteoporosis problem. Two words: calcium supplement. But make sure we talk before you rush out and buy something, b/c they are not all created equal.

ambrosia ananas said...

Daltongirl has a point--most nonWestern cultures aren't big into milk consumption as adults. Moreover, people of European descent have a higher tolerance for lactose than most other races. (Seventy percent of adults can't process lactose.)

For more succinct information about adult lactose tolerance (which is a genetic mutation, and occurs both in some European peopls and in some European cats), see http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lactose_intolerance.

So if you decide you're lactose intolerant, congratulations on being normal. (Instead of a mutate like some of us.)

JB said...

You can take a vitamin or something. No calories, and supposedly you still get all the calcium (and other stuff) you need.

About the beginning of your post, I've always wondered why people would hound someone who says they don't want to drink alcohol. I haven't known anyone to, and I don't see why they would.

I mean, there is such a thing as being a chemical-dependent alcoholic! There are at least two religions that specifically prohibit drinking alcohol, and there are a few conservative Christian sects (haha, I said "sects") who believe it's a bad idea.

I'm kinda curious though, and this probably sounds dumb and/or you've been asked this before, but do other types of milk gross you out too? Like rice, soy, oat, and/or almond milks? I love them, it might make cereal an enjoyable experience again? If you're in provo, maybe you can come to a get-together with Ambrosia and all of them and you can try some of my rice milk so you don't have to buy it to see if you like it. :)

Nemesis said...

Milk only tastes good to me at night.

Just thought I'd offer that.

Cicada said...

JB et al,

Blech. No type of milk will make cereal an enjoyable experience. I don't like the taste. Adding almond flavoring just makes a bad thing worse. Half the reason that cereal makes me want to throw up is the sweetness that gets into the milk. The other half is the soggy cereal. The third half is just the milk, itself. Gross. I'm not lactose intolerant at all---my body can deal quite well with milk. I just think that it's disgusting. I used to like chocolate soy milk but for some reason, it just doesn't taste as good to me as it used to.

As far as calcium supplement goes, I have asked Brother 2 (Nemesis suggests that I should call him "my dealer" because he gets me free drugs/vitamins/supplements) to get me some for free. We'll see if what he can get is deserving of my BFF's approval.

Savvymom said...

Lots of women who nurse CAN'T drink cow milk becuase babies are so sensitive to it. Did you cow's milk can cause intestinal bleeding if you give it to them before a year? Crazy.
Savvy was lactose intolerant until a month ago.

So you are not alone. Granted, Napoleon Dynamite might never date you, but that's probably ok with you.

Savvymom said...

Also, some people thing all the hormones injected into cows are causing milk drinking girls to go through puberty earlier. I don't know if it's true, but that's what this organic milk co. is saying.

Savvymom said...

Also, there was this one time where my brother got me to pour OJ into my cereal when I was really little. I don't reccomend it. Even at the age of 2 or 3 I remember it was sick. I'm done posting on your blog now.

daltongirl said...

Is THAT why tweengirl had to come home from school early last week because of menstrual cramps? Hormones in the milk. Wow. I thought it was going to be at least three more years. I also thought maybe she caught on to the fact that people get out of EVERYTHING (except rolling around on the couch moaning) when they have "cramps." Smart kid.

And as I've mentioned before to Nemesis, OJ IS good on granola. I'm just saying.

JB said...

Cicada, it is so cool that you have a drug dealin--I mean a vitamin supplement providing brother. I hope you can get free calcium. That's so awesome!

Also, I think it's really interesting that you don't like milk. Not necessarily good or bad, just really interesting. It almost makes me happy to see someone who's so different from everything I've ever thought about milk. Cool.

Daltongirl, my mom and I both started our periods when we were exactly the same age. And I've been drinking tons of milk my whole life, so while I don't completely dis-believe them, but I'm not 100% sure I believe them either.

Savvymom, I had no idea that cow's milk could be so bad for babies!

is an interesting article about myths of things to feed and not feed babies. The url is:

http://www.sltrib.com/ci_3102509 for

those of you who don't trust links. (And rightly so)

JB said...

And by: "someone who's so different from everything I've ever thought about milk," I meant "someone who feels so differently about milk than I do." Sorry for the confusion.

christovich79 said...

I don't even know what to think about milk. Its draw is mysterious, starting with it's visible beginning: a cow's udder. That's not exactly something that makes my mouth water.

How has milk been a part of my life?

On my mission, I had a companion for 11 months. He drank milk lots of milk every week. I was trying to get along with my companion, and I looks for ways to be united with him. I started to drink milk, and it almost became sorta like a competetive thing with us. We got to the point where I was drinking 1.75 gallons per week, and he was drinking 2 gallons.

What about earlier in my life?

I think that I poured milk over the generic apple cinammon cheerios that my mom bought. (My mom stored cereal without the original cardboard boxes, rather she would pour the cereal into tall, boxy tuperware containers. Did this happen in anyone else's house?)

How does milk affect my life now?

Not in any direct way. I stopped buying milk a couple of years ago. I don't like how it makes my mouth and stomach feel. (I drink water and fruit juice. I do not drink soda, except at social occasions.)

Am I making a mistake?

I don't know. My ex-roommates were missionaries for the church of Milk-Sucks. They had a week where they spouted off pseudo-scientific statistics about milk consumption. It contradicts the food pyramid I learned as a kid.
I don't know what to do except do what feels healthy. Conspiring minds are probably deceiving me as I type.

metamorphose said...

Must. Put. In. My. Two. Cents.

I have ALWAYS hated milk. No exceptions. I will eat cereal though. But I'll never forget being in preschool, and someone brought milk to go with the snack. I started drinking it unknowingly, and honestly, it smelled like dog crap. Poop all the way. I don't know if it was bad or something. But ew.

And on the milk thing causing girls to hit puberty sooner. TOTAL LIE. I could count on one hand how many times in my life I drank cow milk. My period came just 2 months after my 9th birthday. Oh the horror.