A long time ago, I experienced true humiliation. I admitted to my friends that I probably couldn't tell the difference between Coke and Pepsi, even though I refuse to drink Pepsi. (That's not the humiliating part.) And so we arranged a taste test. They blindfolded me and I took a sip from the first cup they gave me. I waited a moment to truly experience the taste. And then, when I was ready, they gave me the second cup. I took a sip. I mulled it around. And then I declared, "Oh! The second one is better. Definitely the second one!" I was so sure. I was so emphatic.
I was so stupid. They'd given me Pepsi both times.
Yesterday I sent Murray to the store to stock up on yogurt. I used to be the type to let yogurt go bad in the fridge, but since the diabetes, it's become a diet staple. I have at least 2 yogurts a day, and more often than not, I have 3. That's an expensive habit, at 50 cents a pop. So I've switched to Walmart store brand, which is a mere 37 cents per yogurt. As I gave Murray specific instructions to get the Walmart store brand, he said, "I can tell the difference, you know. I know you said you can't tell the difference. But I can tell the difference."
"Okay," I said. Then pick up a couple of 50 cent yogurts too. Get the same flavors."
Murray's eyes lit up. "A taste test??"
"Yep. We're going to do a taste test. And in fact, while you're at it, go ahead and buy a Coke and a Pepsi. I want to tell if you can REALLY tell the difference."
You see, Murray would rather drink toilet bowl water than Pepsi.
When Murray got home, we busted out a couple of testing glasses. Murray took his turn first to test me. I closed my eyes while he poured the glasses, and then he set them on the counter. I opened my eyes and took a drink from the left cup.
"Okay," I said. I'm getting the taste of this...
Then I waited for my palette to clear and drank from the second one. "Okay. At least I can tell that there's a difference. Hmm... Which is which...?" I tasted them again and then pronounced the left beverage to be Coke.
"Nope. It's Pepsi," said Murray. (In my defense, I'll have you know that I never drink Coca Cola Classic---I always drink Diet Coke. And I was testing Coca Cola Classic.)
So I failed. I chose Poopsi.
Then it was Murray's turn. I carefully poured the drinks while his back was turned. Then he came to the counter and sipped his first drink. Then cleared his palette. Then sipped the second drink. Then pronounced very emphatically and assuredly, "It was Pepsi both times!"
Ha! Hahahahahahahahahaha! It wasn't! I'm not a mean wife and I would never pull that trick on anyone! But here was my husband, who SWEARS Pepsi is disgusting, and he couldn't even tell that there was a difference between the two beverages!!
I assured Murray that he had drunk both Pepsi and Coke and I showed him the equally depleted soda bottles to prove it. So, appropriately humiliated, Murray tried again. And then chose Pepsi to be the winner.
Stay tuned for the results of our yogurt taste test, which we will be conducting tonight or tomorrow!
(My mom has long wanted to host a taste testing party at which guests bring the brand that they're loyal to and a competitor's brand, and see for sure if they can really tell the difference. My dad tells her that it is mean because why shatter their happiness by proving that they don't actually know what's better.)