Assistant

I've decided to hire an assistant. Please read the job description to see if this is a good fit for you. Leave your application and resume in the comments section.

DUTIES
* Do my laundry every day. Fold and put away clothes in my super-organized closets, which you will have organized.
* Cook meals for me and my family. These meals must be nutritious so that we can lose weight, but so delicious that we don't even know we're on a diet. Three meals a day and three snacks a day are required.
* Clean kitchen every day.
* Vacuum every day so that I can feel comfortable putting Gulliver on the floor without fear of the ants carrying him away to their queen.
* Dust. Because I never do this. Ever. Please remember to take down all knick knacks (of which we have plenty) and dust underneath them. Not just around them.
* Clean my bathrooms. I don't want to see one stray hair. (Post pregnancy I'm pretty much going bald, so you'll be required to clean the bathroom several times a day.)
* Do all the businessy and technical stuff involved in my work while I cuddle and snuggle Gulliver and take him for walks.
* Make my bed.
* Take out my dry cleaning.
* Buy my groceries. Remember to keep us to our $300/month food budget.
* Mail the business card samples for friends that I have had sitting at my door for two weeks (or more).
* Straighten any pictures that are off-kilter.
* Set up my TiVo to record really interesting and educational shows.
* Go through all my design blogs and hand-pick the stuff that I'm actually interested in reading.
* Entertain Gulliver while I shower and get ready every day.

COMPENSATION
* $2/day with possible 30% tep (To Ensure Proper Service) at the end of each month, for a possible total of $80/month (you know---as in half of what we pay for our iPhones each month).

7 comments:

Janssen said...

Hmm, sorry. Going to have to pass. :)

--r said...

when you fill the position, would you mind sending me a clone? i could really use one.

Lola said...

I would do everything, but some, like the doing your work while you cuddle with Gulliver. THAT won't work for me, but when I get my permit............I would really do anything to drive!

Tee hee

Kiersten said...

Oh dear. I don't think the economy is quite that bad. Yet.

Desmama said...

I have to confess, I'm glad I'm not the only one losing my hair. It's the strangest thing. I never noticed it post-birth with my first two, but this time . . .

Heather said...

I love you, Cicada. Legal, or not, (I just finished watching "Taken")if you find an assistant, I'll hunt him/her down and offer $87/mo and 36% tep. Although I have three children, one can't walk and the other is going to summer school. Besides, Missoula is a much more happenin' town than Springville. Seriously.

Cafe Johnsonia said...

Hey, if you find anyone let me know if they have a sister or business partner willing to do the same for me. Except I have bigger kids and there's more of them.