Hell Week

It's been a very long time since I've put together an important project in a short amount of time. But on Friday, Murray announced that we needed to have our portfolios online by Tuesday. We've had our domain names for almost a year now, and we haven't done anything with them other than create snazzy parking pages. We have had plenty of time to organize, collect, and put together our portfolios. But we didn't do anything about them until now. It's almost 2:00 a.m. and Murray and I have been working on this almost non-stop since Friday after work. Right now, I am working on the laptop in the bedroom, with Gulliver passed out beside me, and Murray is working in the office. He's turned up the audio version of Me Talk Pretty One Day loud enough that we can both hear it.

I feel like I'm in college again.

Earlier this evening, I expressed to Murray my strong desire to have soda. I never drink it anymore because I refuse to drink anything but diet, and usually there's only caffeinated beverages on tap, and I don't need Gulliver to get caffeinated through my breast milk. Murray admitted that he went on a trip to Wendy's during the day to get a big drink of Coke.

Murray got into the shower and the doorbell rang.

"Did you hear that, Murray? Was that the doorbell?"

"I can't hear anything. I'm in the shower."

So I grabbed Gulliver and went downstairs. A neighbor was there to tell me that the lights of our car had been left on. So I went and turned off the lights. And, well, I was downstairs. I was dressed. I had my baby. So I just put Gulliver in the car and went to Walmart to pick up an assortment of diet beverages. I forgot my phone.

It did occur to me while I was out that Murray might freak out when he got out of the shower and his wife and child were gone. Without the phone. Whoops. And the Saturday before Mother's Day, Walmart was a zoo, so it took me a little longer. Also, there were six or seven different scents of Downy Ultra. Sometimes it's just too much selection. I had to smell each one of them at least twice before I made my decision.

When I pulled into our parking space, Murray cracked the front door and peered out at me. I knew I was in trouble. I brought Gulliver to the door.

"You are in so much trouble. I almost called the police."

"I know! I know! I suck!"

"And I even went so far as to think, I can't call the police! They'll think it's me! The husband! It's always the husband! And what am I going to tell them? They left while I was in the shower? Of course I was in the shower---washing off the blood!"

Apparently Murray had opened every room and closet in our house to see if my bloody corpse was stashed anywhere.

And all this time I was just in Walmart, getting myself some diet beverages. Whoops!

Anyway. Murray and I are about ready for bed now. And we still have plenty of work to do in the next few days. All our initiatives have gone out the window. Also, the house is a WRECK. Maybe getting my portfolio online will get me enough clients that I can afford a maid. So that I can work more. Sheesh. I'm taking a day off next week to actually tend to the house needs.


C. said...

Horrifying as I'm sure all this was to you, Murray's response made me laugh out loud. Really hard. Out loud. Good luck with your portfolios!

Th. said...


Ah, the evils of Walmart....

Nemesis said...

Poor Murray!