Coupon Day

Wednesday is coupon day. I come home from work to find that my mailbox runneth o'er with a bounty of coupons. I grab them, I enter my home, and I inevitably need to pee. I don't know if I have to pee every day when I enter the door, or if I only have to pee on Coupon Wednesday. All I know is that peeing is always an inconvenience as it only increases the suspence of finding out what's on sale. I bring the coupons into the bathroom with me, though I don't know why I do this, because peeing only takes about twenty seconds and only about ten of those seconds are free, since the other ten are taken up by looking at the nasty bathroom floor, thinking that The Boy needs to clean the bathroom soon or by looking for a new roll of toilet paper.

Post-pee, I retire to the living room where I take my coupon-reading seat. I do not sit on the couch. I do not sit in The Boy's chair. I sit in my womb-like papazan, cross my legs, and start flipping through the coupons.

Each ad is scrutinized. I notice errors, like where the word "cantaloupe" describes a picture of naval oranges. Or where a company claims that their shirts compliment every body (actually, it may not be a bad idea to market talking shirts...). Those coupons and flyers that are useless, the majority, are discarded; I throw them to the floor in disgust. I even open the ValPak coupons. I know that few people do, but for the last six years, I've been convinced that one day I'll open it and find the special $100 check. Then I can get up in fast and testimony meeting and talk about the blessings of tithing. It hasn't happened yet.

But today, the ValPak coupons offered me a gem. If you haven't read Nemesis's blog about food storage yet, you're going to have to or else this won't be funny. I found a coupon and I doctored it up a little in Photoshop to properly reflect the most important item in one's food storage. Enjoy! (Find image below---I had image loading problems today.)

9 comments:

Miss Hass said...

Do you know what I like to do? I save my Val-Pak coupons so that I can send them in the envelopes I return to credit card companies when they send me unsolicited offers. You know those pre-paid envelopes? I like to stuff them full of coupons. Or pennies if I'm feeling especially malicious. And then mail them back. It feels great!

That's just a little tip I learned from good ol' Andy Rooney. Stickin' it to the man. Stickin' it to the man.

Squirrel Boy said...

Bwahahaha! Brilliant!1

Savvymom said...

Wow. You're pretty much a genius I think.

Th. said...

.

Miss Hass! That is a great idea!

daltongirl said...

Love Miss Hass's (Andy Rooney's) idea. Love it. I happen to have a couple of envelopes right here, waiting to be stuffed with crap and sent back.

I laughed so hard about your peeing woes that I could hardly even get to the punch line about the coupons. And when I laugh really hard, I pee my pants, so it was an appropriate reaction, I think.

ambrosia ananas said...

Hahahahahaha. I hope that I get to give a lesson on emergency preparedness soon. There are so many elements of being prepared that my ward isn't aware of yet.

JB said...

Brozy, maybe that's a good thing...

Cicada- you're great with Photoshop. That was awesome!

Stupidramblings said...

Amazing.

I am finally feeling--well--stupid. Aside your genius post, non of mine compare.

Great coupon BTW...

Cicada said...

Seriously, Miss Hass, that is the coolest thing I have ever heard!