What: David Sedaris at the Capitol Theatre
When: October 24, 2006 at 7:00
I have purchased two tickets to see David Sedaris---one for me and one for Mystery Date. If you are interested in the position of Mystery Date, please fill out the application below and either post it in the comments section for everyone to laugh at you or email me at firstname.lastname@example.org so that I can laugh at you privately.* Women are free to apply but men will be given preferential treatment.
*I am not actually interested in finding a stranger to take on this date. Mostly this is just to be funny. If you know me, feel free to apply and I may choose you. If you know someone who knows me, feel free to apply and fill out the "references" section. If you don't know anyone who knows me, forget it. You have no chance. Buy your own freaking ticket.
Although this application is specifically for seeing David Sedaris on October 24, if you would like to go on a date with Cicada on another day, feel free to compose an essay explaining why you would be a good date for Cicada.
APPLICATION TO GO ON A DATE WITH CICADA
(to see David Sedaris on October 24)
Are you homophobic? (If yes, you need not continue.)
Will you be put off by potential use of the f-word in the reading/performance? (I will not be using the f-word at all during the date.)
The tickets were not inexpensive. What are you willing to do to show appreciation? (Check all that apply.)
0......arrive on time
0......compliment you (Cicada) on how nice you look
0......treat you (Cicada) to homemade dinner
0......treat you (Cicada) to restaurant dinner
0......take you (Cicada) on a future date
0......make out at the end of the evening
I don't want to waste this ticket on someone who isn't familiar with David Sedaris's works and isn't incredibly excited to see him live. Please write a brief essay on which is your favorite David Sedaris piece. If you are not familiar with David Sedaris but feel that for some other reason you should qualify for this date, write a brief essay detailing your reasoning.
Shamelessly suck up to me right here:
Thank you! I will be announcing the winner as soon as I find one. To all my friends who actually love me, please refer a friend.