More on Pet Peeves

A while ago I was talking about pet peeves with a friend who will remain nameless. She told me that one of her biggest pet peeves was people who refuse to use public toilets that already have stuff in them. I told her that I was definitely one of those people---that I never wanted to risk splash-back in a toilet that already had someone else's stuff in it.

Recently I emailed this friend and told her that now, every time I see a public toilet with stuff in it, I thought of her, and that I was not sure she really wanted me to think of her while I was looking at some stranger's crap. She emailed me back this:

How passing over used toilets became a pet peeve/another thing I may have already told you: I was at a football game in high school and I had to go to the bathroom at half time. The stadium bathrooms were gross, but I really had to go, so I waited in line with the million other women. There was one stall that everyone was avoiding. There was some #2 floating in the toilet, but the stall still had toilet paper, so I decided to go for it because after waiting in line, I REALLY had to go. I took care of business, and this is important--it was #1 only--but it turned out that the reason someone had left their junk floating there was because (I just used "reason is because"--a phrase I hate) the toilet didn't flush. So I left the stall. A girl started to go into the stall after me, but when she saw the poop, she gave me the dirtiest look. I wanted to yell, "It's not my poop!" Anyway, I didn't really know dirty look girl, but I knew she hung out with snobs. So now I assume that people who don't use poopy toilets are prissy snobs. I don't think I'd ever told anyone about this pet peeve before you, and when you told me that you avoided poopy toilets, I had to reevaluate my thinking. "[Cicada] avoids used toilets, and she's not prissy or a snob. Imagine that."

I'm pretty sure I haven't told you this one: When I worked at the wilderness camp, we used to drive past this skeezy Mexican place called Alfonso's on our way to the desert. Alfonso's had crazy huge burritos with every imaginable filling that were called--quite imaginitively--the Alfonso. They were so big that they had be wrapped with two big tortillas. I never managed to eat more than half of one. Even though they were kind of gross, they were good to eat when you knew that all you'd be eating the rest of the week was lentils and ashcakes. In the wilderness, you couldn't really be subtle about what you were going to do when you went behind the tree. If you were carrying your digging stick, everyone knew you were going to take a crap. No digging stick=pee only. People would say, "Going to see a man about horse" or something like that when they were going to crap. One guy who had eaten an entire Alfonso the day before walked out of camp with his digging stick, and said "I'm going to go bury Alfonso." So sometimes I call poop "Alfonso" in my head.

That is it. I have now told you every poop story I have to tell and I will not tell anymore poop stories, because it is bad enough that you think of me when you see poop. I don't want you to always think of poop when you think of me.
Anyway, I loved her poop stories so much that I really felt they had to be shared.


metamorphose said...

Awwww, those are great poop stories! Thanks for sharing!

Brinestone said...

Or, you know, you could do what I do. If there's poop in the toilet when I enter the stall, I flush first. If it goes down, I can use the toilet and think poorly of the person before me who decided not to flush. If it doesn't, I can choose another stall. It's brilliant!

Jordy said...

At my football stadium, guys had to pee on a wall. Can you imagine the kind of splash back we had?

bedelia said...

I think it is sick to use a toilet with anyone's poo or pee. Of course I'm one of those people who gets the paper towels ready before washing so I don't have to touch the contaminated handle, and I use the paper towel to open the door, and actually, I won't even touch the facet to turn off the water without a paper towel. which is why I'm slightly concerned that my husband has peed on walls.

Jordy, why did you have to pee on the wall? No urinals? Or toilets? Was there just a drain to pee in or what?

Friend who will remain nameless said...

Oh, Cicada! This is embarrassing. And gross. Don't blame me if your blog readership sharply declines now that you've stooped to posting other people's poop stories.

Brinestone & other pre-flushers: You're right; you could pre-flush. But the "logic" behind my pet peeve is that the other person's poop that's already in the toilet isn't going to hurt you. You're just adding your poop to the pile and then it all goes down the drain. Pre-flushing wastes another gallon and a half of water. That said, I prefer pre-flushers to people who refuse to even enter the stall with the used toilet. Those people artificially lengthen bathroom lines that are often already long.

I'd like to mention for the record that I always flush with my shoe in public restrooms and that I am a fastidious hand washer.

Jordy said...

The bathroom had been built probably 40 years ago. It wasn't just a wall; it had water running down to flush everything. Then there was a drain at the bottom. I've even seen urinals that looked like giant bath tubs. I avoid those at all costs.

AzĂșcar said...

You know, I have this crazy working theory that the toilet with the junk may be the cleanest one of them all. Hear me out. How many people pass by that toilet? Comparatively, I bet that the junk toilet has had fewer users than all the other toilets.

I'm with brinestone and nameless friend: I will flush first and use my shoe to do the flushing.

Rachel said...

I use brinestone's method, too! It's pure genius baby.

"Gotta go bury Alfonso." *Wipes tear* I'm stealing it!

Sigh. I love a good poop chat.