Call me a frigid witch with a B, but I have a bridal shower policy. See, when I was an undergrad, I went through a period of time when I was receiving way too many bridal shower invitations, many for girls who I hardly had any connection to at all. Now, everyone knows that no one goes to a bridal shower for the games. People go to bridal showers under obligation. And they are obligated to bring a shower gift.
Particularly for a student, having to attend many bridal showers causes serious financial strain. And particularly for a single-with-a-bleak-hope-of-ever-getting-married student, the idea of buying kitchen gadgets for others when you don't have enough money to buy cool gadgets for yourself, isn't appealing at all.
So I developed a bridal shower policy to weed out people who were only gift-grabbing. Now that I am out of school and gainfully employed, I might revise this policy, but who are we kidding? Feel free to adopt this policy as your own, if you feel that you are attending too many bridal showers.
THE POLICY:
1. I must have, at some point in my life, considered the person a friend. Not an acquaintance. Not a friend of a family member's. Not a roommate who I never really liked. A real friend.
2. I must have hung out with that friend at least once. A friend who was a school class friend or a work friend does not qualify. We must have, at some point, decided to hang out together independently of class or work.
3. I must have spoken to or spent time with that friend within the last year. This is the hardest to enforce, because sometimes I'd get invitations from freshman friends who I really did like at the time, but I'd remind myself that if our friendship wasn't strong enough to have precipitated some sort of contact over the past year, then it's not good enough for a bridal shower. If you want to get a gift from me, you'd better care about me enough to talk to me within a year of your bridal shower.
18 comments:
lol good policy Cicada.
So, does that mean if I get married this year I can invite you to my bridal shower, seeing as I hung out with you last month?
Amen. I've never been invited to a bridal shower, but I agree with you in principle. Same with wedding receptions.
P.S. Remember when Barbara Bush called Geraldine Ferraro a name: "I can't say it, but it rhymes with 'rich'"? Ferraro's response is great, too.
What bride in her right mind wants strangers at a bridal shower anyway? I think you were being pretty nice about the requirements.
My other pet peeve is not receiving thank you notes from the people who you gave gifts to. They should be grateful I spent my hard earned money on them.
I once skipped a hated roommate's shower. Apparently, the girl went around the room telling everyone how each person was so special to her in her life. It lasted two hours. The best shower I went to was catered and had almost no structure to it.
Thos are great rules to live by, amen!
The whole thing is such an interesting social compact. It's almost like layaway for our own life events. You give away and then the gifts are returned to you when you get married/have a baby.
I also find that setting a spending limit helps me. I tend to be overly generous (or shopaholic) so I must put a limit on how much I'll spend.
I remember that I spent 70 (seventy) dollars (greenbacks) on baby clothes for girl that I worked with at some point. She hadn't bothered keeping in touch, I've never seen nor spoken to her since, I don't think I even got a thank you note. I lost my job a month later and sorely regretted the excess spent. That was the last straw.
I' ll always try to find someone to go in on something with me.
I find that the older I get the more showers are not structured. When my friends were first getting married there were so many ridiculous shower games. Boo games!
Most hated bridal shower game: Toilet Paper Wedding Dress.
Most hated baby shower game: Candy Bars in Diapers.
Well, if you're going to be like that, then maybe I just won't invite you. So there.
What I would do is the same thing I do at restaurants:
You show up.
You put five (5) one (1) dollar bills on the table immediately.
Every time the bride does something you hate (or even when you are reminded of something you hated about her at one time) take away a dollar.
That's how I tip at restaurants. But then add this little variation: At the restaurant, when the last dollar is gone, you still have to finish eating, but at the shower, you are free to go when the money runs out. Everyone leaves happy...
Totally agreed. You speak the truth.
I don't think this is evidence of frigidity, Cicada, just of good sense.
I say if there dumb enough to invite a poor, college student and or even someone that has essentially become a stranger and still expect a gift that you should go, eat their food, laugh at their dumb games and best of all don't bring a gift. Then rumor will get out and maybe you'll stop being invited to activities which you shouldn't be invited to.
My most memorable baby shower moment: I had been invited to the baby shower of a girl from my home town (also my brother's ex), and, of course, I felt obligated to go. I'm one of the last to arrive, and as I walk in I see her shift painfully on the couch. I make some pleasant, inane comment about how I bet she's ready for that baby to come already.
And everyone just looks at me. For a full half minute.
After several embarrassed glances have been exchanged by the group, I'm told that this girl had had the baby two weeks before. So somehow I was a close enough "friend" to come enjoy lame games and be milked for a gift, but not close enough to be given a heads-up about the blessed event itself.
So, I now try to be more discriminating (read: not feel guilty for not going to the shower of so-and-so in the ward) when it comes to this kind of thing, but maybe I should adopt a policy like that...
I know that as a man I don't have anything to do with bridal showers, but my opinion is that if you don't feel close to the person, they should just give you a reception invite.
I have a similar policy about wedding receptions. I have one extra rule, Unless you are his sister, you must live within 40 miles of Mike. That one has saved me from numerous wasted days.
I appreciate the guidelines...do these count for baby showers? Because I have apparently more "friends" than I ever knew of, coming out of the woodwork lately, sending baby shower invitations for their offspring, though I'm quite sure most of the senders can't even pronounce my last name or know where I grew up. It's very frustrating! Could you beg for gifts any more obviously?
Oooh, you're harsh. But those are probably some pretty fair rules. Like I'm going to stop you from being cheap. That's just more money that you'll have for my shower gift. You've got 15 years, so start saving!
Also, Liz's story made me snort soup out my nose.
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