Ruth and the Big Bag of Condoms

This story is a little longer than the last one and I'll probably get a few of the details wrong, but as I remember it, here's Switchback's contribution to my all-time favorite stories ever. (Not that there's only three---but that I'm currently telling three of my favorite all-time stories.)

Switchback grew up in California and when she was about 19, a friend of hers went to a health clinic and was given a huge bag full of condoms. The friend asked Switchback if she wanted them and Switchback said that she didn't have any use for them, but the friend accidentally left them in the trunk of Switchback's car.

Months later, Switchback had completely forgotten about the huge bag of condoms when her mother, Ruth, asked her to borrow her car. Ruth borrowed the car to go out of town. She found the bag of condoms before her trip and had several days away from home to think it over and think about how to talk to her daughter about her lifestyle.

Ruth returned on a Sunday, and Switchback and Ruth would often go for Sunday walks. So when Ruth invited Switchback to go for a walk with her, Switchback didn't think that it was anything out of the ordinary. As they walked, Ruth finally brought up what was on her mind.

"[Switchback]," she said, "I found what was in the trunk of your car."

Switchback, still forgetting about the condoms, assumed that her mother found her skanky spaghetti-strap tank tops that she would wear when she was away from her parents. She said, "Oh, Mom, I can totally explain about the clothes---"

Ruth said, "No. No, [Switchback], I'm not talking about the clothes. I'm talking about the large bag of condoms." She bravely continued. "You know, [Switchback], I was married at your age, and I know what kinds of urges and desires you can have, and I know that it can be really hard not to act on those. Now, I would have hoped that you had chosen otherwise, but I just want to make sure that if this is the decision you're going to make, you're being safe about it."

Finally Switchback spoke. She said, "Mom. Those aren't my condoms."

"They're not?"

"No. They were my friend's and she left them in my car."

"So I can take them away and you won't care."

"No! Of course I wouldn't care! I don't need them! But Mom, I have to say, you score major points on being a good, supportive, and understanding mother."

*******

A while later, Switchback decided to go on a mission. After her bishop's interview, Ruth called to see how things went. Switchback said, "Well... you know that whole raising the bar thing? The bishop and I discussed it and we've agreed that it's probably better that I wait a year and work some things out."

Ruth replied, "Okay! That's okay, [Switchback]! We can do this. You can come home and work here for a year, or you can finish up your schooling. That's good. You can get a lot done in a year!"

Switchback said, "Mom. I'm joking. The bishop says I'm good to go. But seriously, Mom, good job on mothering skills. I give you a ten!"

Ruth said, "I hate you."

*******

And I'm sure you can understand how I developed a healthy respect for Ruth while I was on my mission.

4 comments:

Brinestone said...

I can only hope that I will be as good of a mom as the other Ruth out there. Kudos to her!

Anonymous said...

For the record, I liked this story. I liked the last one, too; I just didn't comment on it. I did hope for a sec. this was going to be about the other Ruth. But you only tell stories about her husband.

DP said...

That was me.

Tolkien Boy said...

My mom once found an "Out and Proud" T-shirt in my laundry that she was doing, out of the kindness of her heart.

It was, naturally, not mine. But it took a bit of explaining.