A Special Spice Cupboard

I'll tell this story at my mom's suggestion. I highly approve of people suggesting blog ideas to me, because as you can tell, I've been uncreative lately.

In September of my freshman year, my roommate announced to me that she was going to have a birthday party at her grandparents' house. Then, she announced to the whole ward that she would be having a birthday party at her grandparents' house and extended the invitation to everyone who wanted to come. It was a new ward and people were still getting to know one another, and because we were freshman and had no other friends, most of us showed up at the party.

We arrived at the grandparents' house and all of a sudden I noticed that people were acting strangely. They'd say things to my roommate like, "You never told us who your grandpa was!" or "Oh my gosh, are you serious?" or "Is he here? Is he showing up later?" or I most particularly remember a guy standing in front of an open spice cupboard saying, "Oh my gosh, I'm looking through Lavell Edwards's spice cupboard!"

I still had no clue. I had no clue for the rest of the party, either. Not even when Lavell Edwards himself showed up and some of the guys almost passed out from exhilaration. In fact, I had to wait until I went home, made sure my roommate wasn't around, and called my mom to tell her about the experience. I don't remember the precise exchange that occurred between us, but I do remember that the telephone lines between Canada and Utah effectively carried the words "are you stupid??" to my stupid little ear.

I could go on to tell stories about my cooking crickets in Lavell Edwards's oven later that year, but what is there to say beyond "I cooked crickets in Lavell Edwards's oven"? I think all the relevant information is right there.

What is relevant to the immediate story, however, is that after the party, all our ward members went back to their dorm rooms and bragged to everyone who didn't go to the party. One particular jerk who hadn't attended the party talked to my roommate about it later. I won't mention this absolute jerk's name but in my own smugly subtle way, I'll allude to it. After finding out an invitation to my roommate's grandparents' house was actually an invitation to Lavell Edwards's house, he was, in a word, pissed. And so he decided to talk to my roommate about it. Now, this was almost seven years ago, so forgive me for forgetting all the specifics, but the guy cornered my roommate and started yelling at her for not having informed the ward who her grandpa was when she invited the ward to her birthday party. Despite the fact that she pointed out that she was inviting people to her birthday party and the point was to get to know each other better and have fun, he insisted that she had been hugely deceitful in not disclosing who her grandpa was. Because, of course, he would have gone if he'd known who the grandpa was. She had a resource that she could share with people, but she was selfishly keeping it from people. And the guy didn't let up. He just kept tearing a strip into her. And here I am, getting mad about it seven years later.

I have no resolution to this story.

THE END