Late, Late, Late

In high school, I had somewhat of a birthday tradition where my father would take me out to lunch. One year, we had our lunch but I was a little late getting back to school and I needed a note to get in. Dad looked around the car for paper and decided to use the back of one of his business cards. Then, in kid print, he wrote:

Cicada was late today because she was at lunch with her daddy.
--Her Daddy

I laughed and told him they wouldn't possibly accept that, but nevertheless, he refused to write me a new note. I brought my father's note in to the secretary. She took it, looked at me suspiciously and said, "Did your father really write this?" I assured her that he did and she allowed me to go to class. While I was in class, she called him at work (his phone number and picture were conveniently on the other side of the note).

"Mr. ---------," she said, "I'm calling with regards to the note you wrote your daughter today."

"What note?" my dad asked. And after stringing her along a little while, he admitted that he had, in fact, written the note. She thought it was funny and asked my father to please, in the future, sign his real name to any notes instead of signing "Her Daddy."

A couple weeks later, my computer ate my homework at 8:00 in the morning and I cried and cried. My daddy (who hates to see me cry) assured me that I could simply redo my homework and go to school late. So I redid my homework and he wrote me a note: "Cicaida is lait to skool today becuase she wuz having problems with the cornputer." He signed his name. I brought it to school and the secretary was thrilled to receive it.

I happened to be late a lot this year, and a couple weeks later, I needed another note. My dad wasn't around, so I asked my mom to write the note. She wrote me a regular note and I brought it to the secretary. She took it eagerly, read it, and said, "Oh. Your mother wrote it. It's a boring note."

Again, shortly thereafter, I was late for school. I had told my mom about the secretary's reaction to her last note, and my mom was offended. My dad was funny and entertaining, but she was boring. So she wrote me a boring note:

This is Cicada's boring mother writing her another boring note, giving her another boring excuse for being late to school.

I brought it in to the office where the regular secretary was gone and a substitute secretary took her place. I gave her my mother's boring note. She read it, gave me the gosh-awfullest dirty look I've ever received, and sent me on my way to class.

From then on, my mom would have my write the notes for her, which she would then sign her name to. I got creative with those, too. I seem to remember one that went like this:

Please excuse Cicada for being late to school today. It is totally my fault and I am a bad mother. She clearly informed me of the exact time she needed to be to school, and reminded me when exactly I needed to leave the house to get her to school on time. But I did not listen to her because I thought that I was smarter than she is. This is clearly not the case.

When I handed it to my mother to sign her name to, she added the note, "Not entirely true, but you get the idea."