Why, I oughtta...

There are moments of motherhood that are not so glamorous.

Today Gulliver woke up from his morning nap earlier than anticipated, and he wasn't hungry when he woke up. So I stripped him down to his onesie (first mistake) and wrapped him in a blanket and brought him into the office and sat him on my lap while I worked (second mistake). Gulliver typically has a giant poo sometime in the morning or early afternoon, so I was expecting something like this, but I figured the blanket would be a good barrier between us in case some unpleasantness spilled out of the diaper. Plus, it was probably time to wash his blanket anyway.

Funny how quickly a stream of poo can squirt out of the diaper and onto your favorite pajamas, missing the blanket entirely.


I think this is part of Gulliver's secret plot to get me to shower every day. Please note this picture from yesterday.


Anyway. I just had to throw him on the bathroom floor and strip him down to start taking care of business. And once he was cleaned and fed, then I left him on my bed while I showered and did laundry. Thankfully he was happy to play the whole time I was getting ready and washing all the clothes and blanket.


Also, when I went into Gulliver's room this morning, I found the new hard drive that came in the mail yesterday. I asked Murray if I could see it this morning and he couldn't find it. That's because apparently in a drunken ambien stupor, he put it in the baby's crib last night. I believe that Murray is suffering from baby confusion.

Gigantor

This weekend, Murray and I worked on Gulliver's baby announcement. Although I don't know what the point of posting it here is, because then you'll all have already seen it when you get it in the mail... Oh well. Here's one for your computers, and I'll be sending one (with his REAL NAME) for your fridges soon!

And here's some more pictures of Gulliver that I took while Murray was getting things set up to work on the announcement. They're different colors, but I'm sure that Murray will fix that someday.

Big Little Baby

Today was Gulliver's two-month checkup. The nurse confirmed what we have long been expecting. Gulliver is a large baby. He weighs 15 lbs and 5 oz and measures 26 inches long. That is off the charts! We are so proud of our baby boy.

(Gulliver inherited his waking up skills from his father.)

In other news, I'd like to start selling my breast milk for $100 a bottle.

Hot Dogging

Last week, Murray, Gulliver and I went to the Hot Dog King with Steve and Cici. The reasons why we went will have to be saved for another post, but suffice it to say, we suspected The Hot Dog King of being a government front for a spy operation. Of course, when we called to find out their hours and spoke to a man with an Eastern European accent, we decided that it must be a secret KGB Provo-Orem headquarters. We simply had to go and sample the goods for ourselves. As it turns out, the experience of all getting together and doing something different was fun, but the hot dogs left something to be desired.

And the experience reminded me of my days as a hot dog vendor. That's right. I was a hot dog vendor the summer after my freshman year and had an unforgettable experience. There are so many stories to tell about that summer, and I've often considered writing a book. To sum it up briefly:

• I got to deal daily with the weirdos of downtown Timmins.
• I made friends with a Native man who would come and tell me all the back story of all the downtown Timmins weirdos, who had a can of Folgers coffee from the 1920s that he hoped to sell for a pile of money on the world wide web, and who brought me fresh, buttered bannock.
  
• A man who thought he was Jesus was a regular customer. He would tell me about his battles with Satan.
• I witnessed my boss get beat up at a bar fight (outside the bar at about 3:00 a.m.).
• My boss claimed to be connected with the Timmins "mafia." He may have been on morphine in the hospital at that time.
  
• I was subpoenaed as a witness at the trial of the guy who beat up my boss but never went because I was conveniently out of the country at that point.

It was a wild summer. Now, the last day of my being a hot dog vendor, I noticed a man from the local news company setting up his camera on my street corner and filming the doors of the bank across the street. Because it is a hot dog vendor's obligation to heckle strangers on the street, I asked this man if he was here to do his exposé on hot dog vendors and let him know that if that was his intent, he'd better do it fast because today was my last day. We laughed and he went on his way.

A couple hours later, a woman from the same news company came and set up her camera and started filming me. Then she interviewed me. So that evening, my family gathered around the television and we watched what was to be the most humiliating 60 seconds of my life. The piece was edited so that you only hear my answers and you don't hear any of the interviewer's questions. So when I gave really dumb answers, the truth was that there were some dumb questions being asked. For example, I was asked, "What is the hardest thing about being a hot dog vendor" I said "I sell hot dogs. There is nothing hard about my job. Anyone could do my job." But then the interviewer didn't say anything, so I went into panic mode and started thinking about what the hardest part of my incredibly easy job was, so I said that I had to watch the sausages so that they don't burn. And that serving customers and cooking at the same time was a challenge.

My family and I laughed at the news clip until I was just about crying. My only consolation was that I'd be leaving town at 5:00 the next morning, before anyone would ever be able to tell me that they saw me on the news the night before. And that the next time I'd be back to Timmins, everyone would have forgotten about it.

But, you know. It's been 9 years. And I already have a reputation for posting unattractive pictures of myself to my blog. So why not my interview? Please watch for very insightful comments like, "I find that people who like sauerkraut really like it but people who don't really just stay away from it." Wiser words were never spoken.

A big thanks to Murray for putting this video up on YouTube and editing out my name. And NO thanks to Murray for mimicking my facial expression when I say, "other than that," which is his favorite part of the whole video.



(Also, I'll add that during my awful comment about cheese, there is a clip of a man putting cheese on his hot dog. I must tell the truth. That man didn't want cheese on his hot dog. He loaded up his hot dog with everything that he wanted and started to walk away, but the reporter called after him and said, "Don't you want cheese on that?" because she wanted to get footage that she could show while I was making that cheese comment. So he came back and put cheese on his hot dog. Poor guy.)

(Also, Mike Doody Bob MacIntyre is the news guy and he kindof looks like a Muppet. "Mmm. Makes me hungry!")

Bath Time

Gulliver photos

Jenny wants to know if anyone thought that in the last post, I had a picture of me pregnant and holding my bare hairy boob. No, everyone. That was just Gulliver's little head sticking out of the baby sling. Also, Jenny is mentally dim.

So anyway, if you're interested in Gulliver's development, here's the latest. He has rolls.


And tonight, he fell asleep while I was burping him and when I looked down at him, he had sucked his entire bottom lip into his mouth. And it was the funniest/cutest thing we have ever seen ever. I paused the tv and made Murray come over immediately.


This week, Gulliver laughed a couple of times. It turns out that he's ticklish. We can't always find the right spots to get him to laugh again, but at least we know that he's capable and we look forward to the day that it is more frequent. His Uncle Steve is the one who tickled him enough to get some laughs out of him.

One Sixteenth

Two years ago today, Murray's reflections on turning thirty set into motion a chain of events that led to us meeting. And today, on his 32nd birthday, I'm happy to announce that he has almost spent one sixteenth of his life with me. I'm one lucky gal.

Murray took the day off work so that we could celebrate properly. We started the day by sleeping in and I didn't even wake him up [on purpose]. When he did wake up, I even tried to ignore him and not make eye contact (much like I do to Gulliver so as not to stimulate him and wake him up further) in case he wanted to drift blissfully back to sleep, but he announced that he was up. So I rushed downstairs to make him a bacon and egg breakfast and brought it back up and served it to him in bed. Then we had gifts, because we're the type of people who can't wait till dinner time for gifts.

We both got ready quickly when Gulliver fell asleep for his long morning nap at about 11:30 and by 12:00 we were out the door and on our way to the BYU museum to see their current exhibit. My favorite part was the installation art. I don't know why I get such a kick out of this stuff. Here are our numerous pictures from the event.




(This one is made from plum sauce [or some sort of ginger sauce] condiment packets.)







(This Norman Rockwell was my favorite piece of the day. I just love it so much that I wanted to steal it.)

We enjoyed lunch at the MOA cafe and then headed to the podiatrist for cast removal, another big, fun birthday activity. It was a little disconcerting to have a saw cut through my cast and then touch my skin without cutting me. When the cast was removed, I finally got to see what my foot looked like and it was so horrifically disgusting that I will not post the picture that I took. But I will link to it here.



After cast removal, we headed to Murray's parents' home where I took the opportunity to shower (for the first time in 3.5 weeks) and give my decrepit foot a proper cleaning. We visited a little, then left Gulliver with Grandma so that we could enjoy dinner at Mi Ranchito's where Murray got to wear a sombrero.


Then we went to Target to get some diapers because Gulliver had blown through two outfits and his whole day's diaper supply. There were a couple other things I wanted at Target, but the doctor told me that I should be doing anything as ambitious as grocery shopping, so I decided that it was time to really use the handi-cart. Murray was appropriately humiliated, but not so much that he couldn't enjoy laughing at my expense. Especially when I tried to back up but the thing started beeping, and then I flat out refused to back up because that is just undignified.





After dropping diapers off to Grandma, Murray and I headed to the dollar movie to watch Valkyrie. I had to get up half way through because I was falling asleep, and I spend twice as much money on a beverage than we paid for admission to the movie. As it turns out, we were both falling asleep. It was kindof a snoozer of a movie and not really worth watching. Could have been a good story. But as it is, we didn't care about any of the characters. And we couldn't even actually hear Tom Cruise's dying words. Oops. I gave that away. Welp. I mean, you know that he doesn't succeed in killing Hitler, so how else did you think it would end?

So that pretty much sums up our day. All in all, it was splendid, fantastic, and magnificent. I am so lucky to be married to a man who enjoys doing fun, interesting things, and who I love to spend every possible moment with. I had so much fun today that you would have thought it was my birthday. Happy birthday, Murray. I love you.

Toy Time

I know, I know. The blogging has slowed down some. I blame the cast entirely. It comes off on Monday, hopefully. I've grown a very nice crop of hair on my left leg. I'm the type of girl who can never go more than a few days without shaving my legs because hairy legs drive me crazy. Last night, Murray asked if I'd be posting a picture of my leg on the blog after the cast came off, and I said yes. But then I thought about it a little more and told him that there are just some things the world shouldn't be exposed to.

So yesterday I was ambitious and took a trip to Ikea since I had to go to Salt Lake for work anyway. (Another reason I haven't been blogging: I've actually been working this week. That's also the reason that I went 72 hours without bathing. Also the cast is to blame for that.) I used my baby sling that Red gave me because it's much easier to walk in my cast if I'm carrying the baby in a sling. If I try to walk with the car seat, I manage about .5 miles per hour. And then I'm worried that someone will see me struggling and come up to me and offer to carry the car seat for me, and then when I take them up on their offer, they run away with my baby and I can't catch them because I have a cast on. (Oh yes, as a mother, I have become a worrier, and I have replayed this awful scene in my mind several times. But then, in my mind, my body gets a surge of mother's adreneline and I run after the baby snatcher with no care about my own physical foot pain, and then I round-house kick the snatcher in the head with my casted leg, a la Chuck Norris, but with a cast for extra oomph, and then I catch sweet little Gulliver before he falls to the ground.)

At Ikea, I bought a couple items for Gulliver's development. I've really wanted a play mat or something, but Murray and I can be a little bit picky when it comes to stuff like this. So much of children's stuff is just... too busy and too cheesy. So I found this little play gym that I love. And look! Gulliver loves it too! Right now, he has to play with it in his crib, or on the ground upstairs. He can't play with it on the ground downstairs because we have an ant problem. One thing I love about it is that the toys can be switched out. I've been making a few toys for Gulliver, so I can swap in my own creations! Hooray! Another thing I love about it is it was only $25.



My other purchase at Ikea was this mobile. See, the other day, Gulliver got a wee bit of pee on his pants. So instead of throwing them in the wash like a good mother, I hung them on the shelf above his change table so they could dry and be reused. Since when has a little bit of urine hurt anyone? Then, while I was changing Gulliver, I noticed he was looking at the pants above his head. So I hit them so that they'd start swinging, and he smiled and kicked his feet. And then I realized that I was a REALLY terrible mother, because what kind of mother uses a soiled pair of pants as a mobile for baby's entertainment and development?? Anyway, Gulliver loves his new mobile. I can tell. And his brain is being way more stimulated.



And here is Murray and Gulliver in a sweater and hat that Ootsie knit for him.



But Ootsie didn't knit a hat for El Senor. He has to borrow Gulliver's.


And here is a picture of Gulliver's cousin, Darth Bean, stolen from his family's blog. Because it's just that funny. (When Murray saw this helmet, he said that it was always his dream to have a real Darth Vader helmet, but he never had one. So finally, he had his chance to put it on and... his head was too big. Murray must have missed his window of opportunity sometime in his teenage years.)
(Note: He is also wearing cowboy boots. He assembled this outfit without supervision.)

Return of the Mother-in-Law

I apologize for the lack of posts and pictures lately. I didn't even touch a computer for a few whole days. As hard as it is to be productive with a newborn babe, it's that much harder to be productive with a newborn babe and a gigantic cast. (I was talking to my mom on the phone the other day and said that I only manage to bathe every second day, and she said, "That's funny. I never had trouble showering when I had a newborn." But then she remembered the cast.)

Yesterday Murray's wonderful mother came over to the house to help me again. My dad comes in to town today, so I needed to get the house ready for his visit. Gulliver obliged us and took long naps and even entertained himself at times when he was awake. That meant that both of us were able to work and maximize our time. We got the house vacuumed and dusted, the kitchen cleaned (but thanks to Murray there wasn't much to clean in the kitchen), tidied, changed all the sheets on the beds, and did a ton of laundry. I feel like I'm living in a whole new home! My mother-in-law is the best. And in case there's any doubt about that fact, I'll tell you that when Murray and I went to bed last night, there were chocolates on our pillowcases. Case in point.

Last night, after my mil left and Murray got back home, I was voraciously eating everything in sight. But I was also multitasking and writing an email while explaining to Murray why I was eating everything in sight:

"I'm just so much hungrier because I'm pregnant."

[Murray's head explodes. When he gets it back together he says:]

"You're what??"

[I stop writing my email and think about what I just said.]

"Oh. I mean, I'm breast feeding."

It was a pretty tense three seconds for Murray, though.

(This is one of Gulliver's fat faces. He makes a series of fat faces when he is waking up or when he is done eating and is tired. I like this one particularly because of the clasped hands.)


(Here is a happy Gulliver in our gliding chair. Daltongirl found us this great glider for $5 at a yard sale. I've been meaning to cover it for a very long time. I finally did this week, but I did a quick job of it. The top cushion (which you can't even see in this picture) is covered with the fabric, but it's... well, about as nice looking as the seat, which you can see here. When it got time for me to sew the seat, Gulliver started fussing. So (confession!) I just safety pinned the fabric to the cushion. Job done! The pattern is an orange zig zag, but sometimes it looks decidedly pink. Oh well. Gulliver is not so insecure in his masculinity to not have a sometimes-pink chair in his room.)