Not a Sleuth

The Clipper has been caught. Or not "caught" so much as "turned himself in."

Really, it got to the point where I was starting to doubt my own sanity. I wondered if I had done it mindlessly. But this morning, as Squirrel Boy and I mused again over who might be the Clipper, I put binder clips on some more utensils and decided that no, it was too deliberate to be mindless. Someone else had to have done it. But who?

There are few people (okay, so one person) who I could really see coming into my office and opening my drawer. That is Squirrel Boy. We've been friends for years. He can get away with opening my drawer. I just couldn't see any of my other coworkers targeting me, coming into my office, opening my drawer, and psychologically terrorizing me by clipping my key chain and plastic knives.

This morning, I saw The Boy come on google talk for the first time ever. And this is how the conversation went:

11:06 AM The Boy: So it took you that long?
me: what took me that long?
11:07 AM The Boy: Overestimation is as equally dangerous as underestimation.
I take it you don't often use your knives.
me: I don't get what you're saying.
Are you sure you're saying this to me?
Or do you think you're talking to Chris?
The Boy: Quite. I'm just being cryptic.
11:08 AM me: Yes, you are.
Too cryptic.
The Boy: Paper Clips.
me: YOU!
YOU!!!!
The Boy: Or binder clips, should I say.
me: BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
The Boy: I did that when we went to Lagoon.
11:09 AM me: I was starting to think that I'd gone crazy and it was actually ME!!!!
The Boy: I put a clip in your keychain, and put them on several knives. And only the knives.
me: I KNOW!
The Boy: That was what? Three weeks ago? Two?
me: So I thought they were two separate events.
11:10 AM The Boy: I cried when I read that blog post.
So very proud of myself.

So two weeks ago, The Boy, Murray, and I went to Lagoon for a corporate event. While we waited for Murray to come so we could carpool, The Boy hung out with me in my office. Obviously I left him alone long enough to do this horrible thing to me.

So I'm not a sleuth. First of all, when I found the binder clip on my key chain (likely the next day) I was sure that it could have only happened that day. I was sure that I would have noticed it if it had been there before. That was my first mistake. Secondly, two weeks later when I found the binder clips on my knives, I was convinced that they hadn't been there that morning. Such a wrong assumption.

From this I conclude:

1) No one at work is as fun or funny as The Boy.
2) I should never be trusted as an eye-witness of a crime because obviously I get all my details wrong. This is ironic since I've been subpoenaed as a witness twice in my life (but never had to testify).
3) Simple psychological terror like this is almost enough to make me believe I've gone crazy. I'm an easy target.

CASE CLOSED

5 comments:

Squirrel Boy said...

I knew my innocence would be proven eventually.

My hat is off to you, The Boy. Thanks for providing us some entertainment.

ambrosia ananas said...

Dear The Boy: You're brilliant. Nice work.

cropstar5 said...

i'm totally cracking up.
cicada- sounds like your observation skills are about as good as mine.

Patience & Co. said...

Let's be grateful your skills lie in the area of artistic rather than sleuthing.

daltongirl said...

I'm so glad it wasn't Squirrel Boy. I wanted him to be innocent, but your continued allegations were making it difficult.

I'm going to save this post so I can bring it up whenever I need to prove that your powers of observation/memory are not what they could be. This is going to come in VERY handy!