I am being terrorized. I am a victim.

Last week, as I was locking up my office for the day, I noticed a binder clip on my key chain. It didn't just accidentally get tangled up with it. It was intentionally fed through the ring onto my key chain. See Exhibit A.

Exhibit A


Squirrel Boy doesn't have an office. I remind him of this every now and then. His cubicle is right outside my office, so I asked him if he saw anyone come into my office. I showed him my key chain and explained that since the binder clip was in between my home key and my office key, I would have noticed if it had been on the key chain earlier. It meant that someone had entered my office, strung the clip onto my key chain, and left. Squirrel Boy said he didn't do it.

Today, after serving the community and donating blood, I came back to my office and decided to indulge in a delicious piece of chocolate cake to reward my blood-donating efforts.

I opened my drawer to find my box of utensils and noticed the following. See Exhibit B. These knives were inside my box of utensils. I know that the clips were not there earlier today because I'd already used a spoon from the box and given a coworker a fork.

Exhibit B


Again, I confronted Squirrel Boy because he should certainly be keeping an eye on my office. I know it's not him because he says that he really wishes it were him because it's so funny. Someone is coming in and terrorizing me. It's so subtle. So deliberate. So terrifying.

I will get to the bottom of this.

This picture is now hanging on my door.

15 comments:

Squirrel Boy said...

Wait—I should be keeping an eye on your office? Since when is that part of my job responsibilities? I certainly don't remember a category called "Keeps an eye on Cicada's office" on my recent self-evaluation form. Though I suppose I would've gotten "Below expectations" on that part.

Oh, and I really do wish it were me. I'm afraid I'm just not that clever.

ambrosia ananas said...

My. That does sound terrifying. I suggest you enhance your security system.

Suzie1 said...

You and I are twinners today! I'm wearing an almost identical top!

A similar thing has been happening to me lately--somebody comes into my cubicle and and lowers my chair all the way down. I have my theories, but the accountable party hasn't stepped forward yet for his/her @$$kicking.

Murray Terreno di Amore said...

My guess is.....

Col. Mustard...

in the library...

with the candlestick....

or maybe not...

AzĂșcar said...

I called the Department of Homeland Security. They should be on their way shorty.

spart said...

I love how your facial expression is the exact same in each shot.

natali said...

normally i would say ghosts. because that is just the kind of sense of humor all dead people share. but i am starting to lean towards your boss. is your boss an option?

Natalie said...

Is there a chance that you have multiple personalities? Not that I have any other reason to ask, but it would be a good explaination for this. Your other personality could be trying to make you crazy so he/she can take over.

Be careful!

Cicada said...

Natali: Nope. I couldn't imagine it being my boss. Also, I had a dream about you last night. You worked at KFC.

Natalie: That is my greatest fear---to find out that it's ME. I've definitely considered it a possibility.

The Holyoaks said...

I'm not convinced Squirrel Boy is innocent.

Squirrel Boy said...

Maybe I'm the one with the split personality who has no memory of his terrorist actions. Definitely something to consider

punk rock girl said...

KFC?! did i look cute in my uniform? did i get benefits? did i support cruelty to animals? i think it sounds like a really good dream.

erin said...

I want an office.

Science Teacher Mommy said...

It is funny.And a little sick.

Iggy Enigma said...

hey, visiting you from miss nemesis's blog. congrats on your wedding.

and i totally want to hear the outcome of this binderclip mystery. tell us more about the suspects!