Handicapped

Today Murray and I decided to go to lunch at Tucanos. Because he'd be going to work right afterward, we took separate vehicles. I drove with Gulliver. So when I got to the Riverwoods I noticed a parking spot right in front of Tucanos was about to become vacant. So I circled around the roundabout until the car began to pull out of the spot. Then, a car zipped in front of me and took the spot. Three able-bodied men in the prime of their life got out. I wanted to roll down the window, shake my cast at them and chuck dirty diapers in their faces. Or at least I considered politely rolling down the window and telling them that I'd been waiting for that spot and I had a cast and a child to carry.

Instead, I parked in the nearest free spot, fetched my spawn from the back seat, hobbled disabledly to Tucanos, and complained about someone stealing my parking spot to Murray, knowing full well that the three men were well within earshot. Because I can be passive-aggressive like that.

During lunch, I told Murray that I figured I could manage a grocery shopping trip to Walmart if I used one of those motorized carts.

Murray: No! You mean the ones that fat people use?

Me: Yeah. I think people might stare at me, though. [I said this meaning that I look able-bodied and if I'm wearing jeans, you have to actually look at my foot to realize that I have a huge cast.]

Murray: Yes! They will! I always stare at those people! I mean, I try not to stare at those people. But I do look.

Anyway, suffice it to say, Murray is not a fan of the idea of me using one of these motorized carts. He says that he doesn't want to be there for it. Oh, the humiliation!

On my way home, I thought more about my mobility issues. My cast comes off on Murray's birthday, but that means that I won't be mobile for birthday shopping. Hooray for internet shopping! But I figure I'd like to get out and look at some actual stores, and since my mother-in-law's two favorite things in the whole world are Gulliver and shopping (in that order) I figure that I'll just invite her to come shopping with us and it will be a win-win-win.

So I thought about a razor scooter. I always wanted one of those. In college, I had visions of me being the cool girl on a razor scooter, scooting between classes. But scooters were banned on campus, so there went my dream. Anyway, with a razor scooter, I could put my casted foot on the scooter and just scoot about! My casted foot isn't in any pain. It's just really annoying to try and walk on it. Anyway. A scooter is still an option. But I can't really scoot and carry a baby, so I'd have to reserve it for times when Murray has Gulliver, or we all go on a walk together or something.

So I called Murray.

Me: Hey. What if I get a little razor scooter?

Murray: Oh boy.

Me: Yeah. It would be better than the motorized cart. In fact, I could just go to Walmart, get the scooter and use it while I'm in the store, but not even buy it!

Murray: We could go into the store together, I could run to the toy section and grab one, you could use it, and then I'd run it back to the toy section when we're ready to go! We'd just never cross the cash register line with the scooter!

Me: OR, I can just borrow one from the neighbors. I know I've seen several strewn across their front lawn all summer long. I'll just go over there right now and ask to borrow one and in return, you can teach photoshop lessons.

Murray: OR, I can teach photoshop lessons in return for getting help putting up our Christmas lights! He leaves his up all year long. He could help us get ours up next week so that we're ready for the Christmas season early!

Anyway. I finally had one last brilliant idea. What about temporary handicapped parking? If I got temporary handicapped parking, I would purposely go out more just to be able to use it as much as possible in the next few weeks.

So I called my doctor's office, and guess what. I can totally get it. Yay! It just requires two more trips (one to my doctor's office to get the signature and one to the DMV) but then I'm totally, legitimately, legally handicapped for 2.5 whole weeks!




Aaaaaand now for the obligatory and completely unrelated pictures of the baby because let's not kid ourselves---when I'm not looking AT my baby himself, I like to look at pictures of him. Sometimes, I look at pictures of him WHILE I am holding him and looking at him and THAT is pretty much Nirvana.

(Me writing this blog post, showing you that I can have it all.)

(Murray coaxing smiles out of Gulliver.)

(Both of my men like to sleep in if I let them. Unfortunately for them, if I'm awake, I just want them to be awake and play/talk with/to me.)

(Gulliver dreaming of giving his sustaining vote.)

(The reason why I worry ten times a day about crushing my baby with my cast! Oh, and my knee only looks shapeless and undefined because of the camera angle, okay?)

8 comments:

Murray Terreno di Amore said...

Just want to add, when I said, 'fat people' I meant the ones like the ones that are in WALL-E, not the ones like me.....lest you think I am a hippo-crite.

Nemesis said...

That last picture almost got me fired, because I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to eat the library's monitor.

SO CUTE!!!!!

Red said...

I'd totally be on the scooter, munchkin in sling. ;)

Then child services would come along to take my darling baby out of the sling and to a SAFE environment.

But I'd be on the scooter so they'd never catch me....

Petit Elefant said...

It's official, I'm coming over. I can't stand it anymore and I need to squish him. He's just. so. adorable.

Kristeee said...

I just about spit all over my screen to Murray's response of "you mean the ones that fat people use?" Because then images came to mind of the times I've seen people use those little carts. Hehe. Homer Simpson also comes to mind: "I have to use my own lungs, too?"

daltongirl said...

We have a couple of long boards you could borrow until next March. You could put a foot on each one, and then get Murray to tow you around with a rope. They're so long you could probably fit Gully's car seat across the front of them. Win, win, win!

Jenny said...

I just have to ask about Murray... does he have a brother in the greater Boston area? 'Cuz I'm just wondering. And Gulliver? WAY up high on the cute list. Enjoy parking up front!

erin said...

Handicapped passes are the best. I just hurt my knee again, and I want one...