It's time for a talk.

I apologize to any who might be offended by this post. But please, read it with an open mind, and look deeply into your soul to determine whether or not you need to change your life. If you feel that you are the exception to the things I am about to say, you are wrong. No one is the exception.

Now I will confess a horrible truth. I have six beard hairs. They come out of the same places. See map.



I wouldn't ever disclose such personal information if I didn't have the hopes that my confession and words today will inspire other women to take proper care of their beard hairs.

Lately I've noticed a few women who have hairs sprouting from their faces---most commonly from a mole---and who choose to do nothing about it. I don't understand. How can you possibly leave the house knowing that you have facial hair? I have a recurring nightmare in which I notice that I have a long, sticky-outy nose hair, or a chin hair, or a cheek hair, but then I forget about it before I leave the house and go out in public. And then at that point I usually wake up in a cold sweat. And yet, I realize that some women know they have wiry, beardy, sticky-outy facial hairs and choose not to eliminate them.

I'm not talking about actual mustaches or beards. Those I'm sure are a bigger, more complicated issue and a woman must decide whether she will bleach, wax, or Nair them away. I'm talking about individual, wiry hairs that are easily plucked out with a pair of tweezers.

There is no excuse for leaving these hairs on your face. It's disgusting and wholly unnecessary. Get in the habit of checking your face every single day, and pluck the hairs out as they appear.

I've said my piece.

18 comments:

Murray Terreno di Amore said...

I will be better about pulling out my beard hairs one by one so that you are not disgusted by me because I am afraid to tell you that I have more than 4.

Do you still love me?

Audrey said...

I have one on my chin and it always comes out of the same place. I keep tweezers in my home bathroom, in my classroom, and used to have a pair in my car because the light is so much better there. You have inspired me to replace the car tweezers, lest I notice the chin hair on my way to somewhere and can't do anything about it but trim it down with my little Swiss Army knife scissors, which is definitely less than effective.

Laura said...

This is by far my favorite post. But for the more beared women, is there such thing as laser hair removal. Take advantage of the advancement of our world people. I agree, one to many times I have been standing in lines and you can not help but notice facial hair on people. and you can't help to sit and stare at it no matter what else is around. You should be proud to know I do check more than once a day for these sprouting hairs. Thanks for your in put it was much needed

Cicada said...

Murray, you may borrow my epillator and pull them out ten by ten. I still love you though.

Audrey, you are a woman after my own heart. There are some really great tweezers on the market these days. Check out Target.

FoxyJ said...

I also get the random beard hairs on my face. The other day I found one that was over two inches long. I don't know how it got that long without my noticing it. Weird.

TOWR said...

Agreed. I have a "beard hair" that grows out of the right side of my chin. It's thick and blond. I feel the spot it grows out of regularly to see if it's rearing its ugly head again. I've gotten so good at plucking it out, I can do it with my finger and thumb most times. Way to tell it like it is. The word must be spread.

Nemesis said...

I have three beard hairs. I used to have one. Which means I'm pretty much a goatee waiting to happen.

I keep up on that. Especially since sometimes there's this looong thin blond hair that grows randomly out of this one spot on the front of my neck. Because what the crap is that even about?

Jordan said...

I call mine Old Italian Lady Hairs. It's such a vivid reminder...and warning.

AzĂșcar said...

When I have gotten to that level of friendship with a girl, when I know we are truly meant to be friends forever, I make them swear a vow to me: You must tell me when I start growing a mustache and need to take care of it.

I have one 'beard hair' on my left cheek that I attend to as needed.

N.F. said...

HOLY CRAP. This is awesome!





PS. I always keep tweezers in my purse. For just little tiny emergencies that may "pop-up".

N.F. said...

One of my classmates NEEDS TO GET HER LIP WAXED like none other...and I don't know how to gently tell her. I mean, we're "friends"...."school friends"...but I'm nervous I'd offend her and never hear from her again.

daltongirl said...

You might have just emailed or called or pulled me aside, instead of taking the passive aggressive approach and hoping I got it.

Daltonboy has lost the tweezers out of his Swiss Army knife and I can't tell you the number of times we've been driving into the sun and I suddenly discovered something that was not detectable under regular lighting. And when I say DB lost the tweezers, I think I actually mean I lost them while pulling out beard hairs in the car.

spart said...

Oh Cicada. Again I'm reminded how much I love you.

I confess I have two beard hairs on my chin, and one on my cheek that I attend to. I also pluck my eyebrows religiously every single day, which you may or may not wish to address in a future blog. Too many people (men and women alike) walk around looking like Bert. And not in a good way.

Furthermore, I would also like to raise the topic of body hair in general, and in this particular moment I am going to focus on the boys: men, please attend to your body hair as it grows out of your nose and or ears, and also, please please please trim it if it creeps up above and pokes out of the neck of your t-shirt.

Don't even get me started on back hair.

Saule Cogneur said...

What a great way to test how much your SO loves you.

I hope my own SO's never put me to that test however. They will have to no choice but to conclude I hardly love them at all.

ambrosia ananas said...

I am a hairy people. The days when I *know* I have hair on my face somewhere but can't find my tweezers and don't have time to go to the store, I just sit in my cube and go quickly, quietly mad.

JB said...

Too funny. I'm so OCD about chin hairs that I usually have a pair of tweezers on me for emergencies. They crop up so long so fast!!

JB said...

(Oh and ditto to what Brozy said.)

daltongirl said...

I think this post has traumatized me. Last night I dreamed that I was on my way to your house, and I noticed in the car mirror that I had several very long, black beard hairs, and no tweezers available. I became extremely agitated because I was convinced that you would no longer be my friend. In retrospect, I should have stopped at a Walgreens and purchased some tweezers, but you know how dreams go.