Commence Indignation

I have a friend. We'll call her Polly.

Polly is one of my favorite people. She is kind, smart, pretty, friendly, fun, and dresses well. Really, it's a winning combination. If I were a guy, I'd date her.

Apparently not all guys think the way I think guys should think.

When I asked Polly about the guy she's been dating over the past month or so, she told me that they broke things off this weekend. I asked why. She said that he came over to visit her one evening and asked her where she thought things were going. She thought this was going to be a "good talk." Then he said that he had some concerns about her.

1) She's vain.

First of all, Polly is not what I would call a vain person. She is certainly pretty, and she does a great job of staying in shape and wearing fantastic clothes. But she's very down-to-earth. When she shared his first point with me, she said, "I only shop sales!!" She also pointed out that this conversation took place while she was wearing shorts and a sweatshirt. She also said that on their first date, when he was talking about what he valued in women, he mentioned that his wife had to be beautiful. I don't think that you can be more beautiful and down-to-earth than Polly. This guy is crazy. (And I'm glad that the craziness came out this early so that they could break things off!)

2) She has a low standard for the company she keeps.

Polly is the only active LDS member of her family. A lot of her friends aren't members of the church. One thing that has always impressed me about Polly is her ability to accept people as they are. I think that it's admirable that she doesn't pass judgment on others just because they make different choices than she does. She doesn't let their actions influence her, either. She honors her beliefs. She also wants to date good members of the church and marry someone who has the same beliefs and lifestyle that she does. That sounds pretty grounded to me. This guy indicated that she should not allow anyone to practice anything that is not in line with her beliefs in front of her, and gave the example that if he is in a bar, he expects everyone to refrain from swearing and expects the bartender to not offer him any alcoholic beverage because the bartender needs to respect his beliefs.

I may add here that this guy is a beer delivery man. So while he's judging Polly for associating with people who drink, he's stocking the city with alcohol.

3) She works too much.

Polly works a full time job. She also does some freelance reporting on the side. In addition to that, she teaches a dance class and does volunteer work. To me, that all looks impressive. It shows an ability to manage time well (and since she's so happy all the time, you know that she's got some good balance in her life). To him, this kind of work ethic, initiative, and income is too much. And I guess in this point I must concede. I totally understand how a beer deliverer would be threatened by her accomplishments and success.

After bringing up all these issues, Polly said that she'd be willing to go 50-50 with him and try to reach a compromise (that may be Polly's only mistake in this whole thing because in my opinion, she should have kicked him out on the curb after he brought up his three concerns). He told her, "Your faults are my mountains and I will die on those mountains before I will ever compromise."

We can only hope that he finds some mountains to die on.


Nemesis said...

Actually, I hope the mountain comes to HIM and buries him beneath its weight. That would be better.

I have no words for a person like that. Only actions designed to cause death.

daltongirl said...

What goes around comes around. I almost dated a guy who did a couple of phone interviews with me before committing to an actual date. When he found out that I didn't drink fresh-squeezed orange juice during my pregnancy (for added folic acid) he decided that spending money on me for a date would be too much to ask. I decided that was a win-win situation for me.

Then he got married. Then his wife divorced him after about two months. Because he was an idiot, and a jerk, and now he lives alone, in his big huge house, with his fresh-squeezed orange juice. Dying on a mountain is too good for people like that. Living a sad, pathetic, lonely life may not be what anyone deserves, but it's what some people who are total jerks end up getting.

Jenny said...

I hope he does die. What a freak. Polly sounds awesome. I would love to be her friend. I was thinking about how stupid it is that all these awesome, single girls are single when I drove by this place called 'Singleton Tax Office' or Singleton accounting' or something like that. At first I thought some people were making single people have their own accountants until I realized that was probably someone last name.

But still. It got me thinking. Also, who even says 'your faults are my mountains etc...'? Seriously.

Murray Terreno di Amore said...

I am sorry for your friend Polly. I will however, take a page from the beer salesman.

Here are my three issues with you.

1) You are too cute.

2) You are too talented.

3) You are too smart.

I am not willing to compromise on these issues.

petit elefant said...

Wow. The wonderful glamorous world of dating. Was he on a break from his regular psychiatric care?

AzĂșcar said...

My jaw just dropped to the floor.

Yeah, she is well rid of that guy. I don't even know where to start with him (although his apparent lack of ambition is as good a place as any.)

Janssen said...

That last line about "I will die on those mountains" was to die for - what a goon!

I think Polly is a hundred thousand times better off without him.

jeri said...

Poor Polly. Why do guys think it is OK to treat people like that? Basically he is looking for someone who is not hot enough that he feels other people are looking at her, and so stupid that she worships him with all his failings. Blech.

I have a handsome, well-mannered, housebroken single brother-in-law. We should set them up.

And Jenny? Tax services for single people? I'm seriously dying.

Miss Hass said...

What a %*&$)% $*#&%$)%(. Seriously. I am fuming. I want to meet this guy and then I want to kill this guy. I'm sure I have more to say, but I have to formulate it into coherent thoughts without swear words before it's ready for public consumption.

Saule Cogneur said...

Hopefully, Polly is not too broken up over this incident. It may take her months to realize what a favor this guy did her. He doesn't know it, but he acted in her best interest.

Whenever my friends talk about "piety," I quickly comment that it's overrated. They think I'm joking.

Saule Cogneur said...

P.S. My real indignation comes from asking why girls like Polly date guys like that in the first place. I mean seriously, are the non-douche equally appalling in other ways, or are they simply discounted because they want to be history teachers instead of MBA's?

Mary said...

LOO-SER. I think I dated this guy, too. My greatest achievement came the day I told him to go to (you know where!) PS. I really like Murray's beef with you. I think I married a guy like him! lucky us!

Suzie1 said...

Oh. My. Gosh.

I think the only really sad thing about this break up is that Polly so obviously should have broken up with him. What an ass.

To Saule's comment, I decided the other day that I can sum up my personal belief system as "Most people need to stop worrying about piety and start worrying about how they treat other people."

Anth said...

"Your faults are my mountains"? How did Polly not bust up laughing at that point??? That is one of the most pretentious things I have ever heard. And I'm guessing pretty indicative of his personality. He sounds boorish and insecure.

And I hope you show all these comments to Polly.

EdgyK said...

Anth sent me to this post and I can't not say something. I totally agree with Anth and Jenny and most all of the other comments. My first thought was that guy could just take a flying leap off his stupid mountain. I wonder if he looked that saying up off the internet. Shame on the mother who raised that boy. Polly sounds awesome and I hope she won't let any of his comments affect how she feels about herself as so many women tend to do even though we know better.

Cindy said...

Oooooo! I am infuriated for Polly! She dodged a bullet though.

i i eee said...

Dodged a bullet? More likely dodged a meteor...or, something really big-like.

How in the heck did she ever end with this guy in the first place? Or even give him a second date?

And what's up with guys making up these sh*tty metaphors?! I once had an ex-boyfriend tell me that he was the pea to my princess... um, okay.

Me again said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
M. Paul Bailey said...

Wow! That is an impressive (but horrible) metaphor to formulate on the spot. I wonder if he'd been holding on to that one for a while just hoping for an opportunity to use it. In fact, that could very well explain the whole break-up. Perhaps he came up with this metaphor a few months ago and kept trying to find a way to get Polly to make reference to mountains. She never would, so as a last ditch effort to use his metaphor he attacked the relationship. Brilliant!

Natalie said...


cropstar said...

there's just too much to say about how horrible that guy is and how fabulous polly is...
love all the comments btw

Amber said...

One of the best song lines ever is, "I'm happy it's over, I'm only sorry that I didn't make the move before you." I am a full supporter of the theory that he just can't handle anyone that has ambition because he has none, and would always feel threatened that she is so far above him. Glad I married someone fabulous. And thanks everyone for making me laugh this morning, even though it's sad for your friend, these comments are great.

ambrosia ananas said...

How are there real live people out there behaving like this guy?

Me again said...

I was listening to Last week's This American Life (titled "matchmaker) and the last story was about a girl who was set on a horrible blind date. I thought it was very amusing.

Well, turns out this girl is lds and has some very funny stories about being single in New York.

You should check out her myspace page at which has another very funny story about going to an LDS regional halloween dance.

Anyway, I thought of this blog entry when I heard it (the story from this american life that is).

provoce said...

Good grief. There are lots of guys who are looking for girls with just those 'faults'