I'm a Writer

Since I had a nice holiday from work and school today, I decided to use my time to work on my writing. I wrote four different pieces that I'm relatively proud of. Read on for plot synopses!

The Worst Seat in Town
A young, attractive woman attends Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory with her classy and graceful mother. Before the movie, our herione uses Cinemark's facilities. Though she inspects the toilet seat before sitting down, the lighting was insufficient to reveal the urine that covered the entire toilet seat. The heroine returns to her movie with the residue of someone else's urine on her upper thighs and buttocks and resolves to hover from now on. She writes a letter to Cinemark informing them of their lighting problem and their lack of protective seat covers in the restrooms.

Buca di I Want a Refund
A daring and charismatic girl in her twenties eagerly anticipates the moment when she can introduce her parents to her favorite restaurant, Buca di Beppo. Unfortunately, everything that can go wrong does, including serving shrimp to her father who is allergic, not providing the family with plates or utensils with which to eat their food, and serving shrimp to her father again. But that's not all! Find out the rest of this waiter's humiliating mistakes, which eventually caused him to go into hiding after giving the father the bill. Will the restaurant's hostesses be able to locate their AWOL employee? Our heroine writes a letter to the establishment, giving them a painfully-detailed record of her disappointment.

A tight-bodied and irresistable BYU co-ed goes to Thaifoon with her family to eat a delicious meal on New Year's Day. Unbeknownst to the family, their waiter has made a New Year's resolution to kill her father. With the help of the kitchen staff, he sneaks shrimp into one of the dishes that he places on the table in front of the father. Before he is able to sample this poisoned dish, his loving and devoted wife discovers the shrimp among the pad thai noodles. When confronted, the waiter blames the kitchen staff. Disappointed that his murder plan is foiled, the waiter charges the family twice for the pad thai noodles but our heroine's intelligent family won't be duped. Our heroine writes a letter to the establishment, informing the manager of the waiter's homicidal tendancies.

A pudgy but sweet spirited dieter in her mid-twenties is lured into Subway by the advertising that promises her 6 subs under 6 grams of fat. She orders her low-fat sub, proud of her healthy choice. When she gets to the cash register, she is unexpectedly confronted with insurmountable pressure to buy a cookie. The advertising on the cookie stand said, "Come on. Just one won't hurt." After eating her sub and her cookie, our heroine discovers that the cookie contained more fat than her sub. Hungry and horrified, she laments the fact that she could have eaten another entire sub for the same amount of fat and calories. She writes a letter to Subway Inc., challenging their conflicted advertising scheme.

Yes, these letters--er, stories--are brought to you by your favorite author, Cicada. Stay tuned for the sequels: The Dryest Seat in Town, Buca di I Got a Refund, Thaiconvict, and The Subway Empire Writes Back.


Stupidramblings said...

Don't forget the one about a confident young woman in her 20's who just wrote one of the most funniest things ever. I can't wait for the whole story...

ambrosia ananas said...

Maybe I should buy that young woman a nice set of stationary. She sure does write a lot of letters.

daltongirl said...

Just wondering, but was the Cinemark incident in the seventies, before the young woman was born, or was she actually going to see Charlie and the Chocolate Factory? Or maybe that was poetic license. I just thought maybe you could clear that up. Because I remember seeing Willie Wonka and the Chocolate Factory in the theater in like, 1972. Other than that, the post was, as usual, perfect. Do you think that person who wrote all those letters would write a few for me?

Th. said...



We're never going to be able to keep up with you....

Tolkien Boy said...

If I ever have a man that needs sticking it to, I'll know whom to come to.