Cable Tales

One of the benefits of having a brother who is a cable installer is getting our cable on the main floor configured so that the TV can actually be on the wall I want it to be on.

Another benefit is being able to hear endless stories about other people's homes and other people's lives and other people's general disgustingness. The Boy has seen it all. In fact, he recently coined the term "Nerd Trash" which is a lot like white trash, but it's a person who lives in absolute squalor but whose rat nest is filled with all the latest technology: huge-screen television, dual 30-inch monitors, loads of computers and accessories, all the right gaming consoles. You get the idea. Nerd trash. I think it'll catch on.


Recently, The Boy, pictured here with his new fridge in his new house, went to install cable in a particular home. A very large woman was on the couch (he describes her as a whale, manateed out all over the couch, and although it's a mixed metaphor, I think it does the job). She was missing half her teeth. And as The Boy worked on her cable, her six children scurried around the filthy house.

Then, another woman---he assumes it was the manatee's sister---came into the house. She took one look at The Boy and said, "Let me guess. He's staying the night."

Wow. I mean, I don't want to think of a slew of men staying the night with this toothless manatee (point of interest: manatees regrow a tooth every time they lose one, so from an evolutionary standpoint, this woman may be slightly behind manatees), but why else would the sister jump to that conclusion. Ew.

Poor The Boy. In telling this story, he said, "I admit that I'm not the most handsome man on the planet, but I think this," (here he motioned to his face) "is worth at least a full set of teeth."

6 comments:

Jenny said...

I think he's definitely worth a full set of teeth, plus maybe a little extra. He can install cable for crying out loud. I will always be very tidy and normal when cable people come over from now on, that way they don't tell these kinds of stories about me to their friends and family.

jeri said...

Second Jenny on the "worthy of teeth" comment. Funny, charming AND handy? Come on!

I will do my best to further the use of the phrase "Nerd Trash"

TOWR said...

I was wondering just the other night where the next step in the evolution of trash would be. We have white trash, Brit trash, Euro trash... And there it is: Nerd trash. Brilliant! (How do you say brilliant in binary code or Klingon? Or Klingon binary code?)

daltongirl said...

I suddenly just stopped worrying about what the window installers are going to think of me when they find dust bunnies behind my freezer.

And you realize that the nerd trash people read EVERY blog on the Internet, right? So now they're going to see the picture of The Boy that you put with the post where he also coins the phrase describing them, and they're going to be offended. Some Level 3 Mage is going to cast a spell on him probably. Beware!

hairofgold said...

He's worth a full set of real teeth and maybe a grill or two and even throw in some gold teeth as well. Boy, You're Worth It and don't let anyone tell you otherwise!

C. said...

Oh, how I laughed at this!! Also, it reminded me of "The Slipper and the Rose" quote when the king is bemoaning how picky his son is in choosing a bride: He's got an obsession with them having teeth.