The Cleaning Checks That Weren't

Here is a run down of my cleaning check experience yesterday:

*Got home, knowing I would have to clean, calculated five hours till 10:00, ideal bedtime.

*Sat on chair, turned on computer, decided to watch a couple episodes of Celebrity Jeopardy before cleaning.

*Couldn't keep eyes open. Realized that listening to Celebrity Jeopardy was as effective as watching it.

*Woke up. Four hours till ideal bedtime.

*Moved to couch, covered myself with new orange blanket. Promised myself I wouldn't sleep long.

*Heard roommate come home. Hid under blanket. Was scared that she would make me get up and start cleaning.

*Woke up. Three hours till ideal bedtime.

*Went upstairs expecting to find justification for my nap in the form of a sleeping roommate. Roommate was cleaning room.

*Started cleaning room with roommate. Found digital camera. Took pictures of new blanket and lamp shade.

*Couldn't find cord to upload pictures to computer.

*Kept cleaning room. Put on "Notre Dame de Paris" for roommate's and my listening pleasure.

*Translated some songs for roommate, cluing her into the fact that all songs on the CDs were depressing.

*Kept cleaning room.

*Finished tidying portion of room cleaning. One and a half hours till ideal bedtime. Went downstairs to stare at kitchen. Removed a carrot from the floor. Took out trash.

*Returned to kitchen. Stared.

*Brother stopped by. Sat him down in front of computer and made him watch Celebrity Jeopardy. Decided it was ideal time to sit down and eat, and listen to brother laughing at Celebrity Jeopardy. "The Rapists for $2000, Alex." "That's Therapists."

*Put Horatio Hornblower III on for brother to watch (it was the reason he came over in the first place).

*Found Tupperware container containing five pins that my neighbor lent to me. Returned to owner's doorstep since owner wasn't home. Was confident no one would steal it.

*Returned to house. Found ruler that other neighbor had lent to me. Returned ruler to neighbor's roommate.

*Returned to house. Made piles of my stuff that I've left in the living room for the last several days (mostly items used in making blanket and lamp shades. Also the 47-piece kitchen set that I bought for $10 at Walmart that includes knives, a knife block, measuring cups, measuring spoons, spatulas, serving spoons, spaghetti spoon, and a cutting board. Noticed after getting the box home that "Items are heat resistant to 45 degrees Celsius or 119 degrees Fahrenheit." Humans are also heat resistant to 45 degrees Celsius or 119 degrees Fahrenheit. Might have trouble stirring boiling pasta with new spaghetti spoon. Might try using hand.) and placed piles on stairs so that I can take them up to my clean room and put away.

*Found package of straight pins that another neighbor had lent me. Returned pins to neighbor, who was home eating dinner with other straight-pin-neighbor.

*Complained about cleaning checks. Listened to neighbor say, "That's funny... our cleaning checks are next week."

*Went home and checked cleaning check announcement. Date of cleaning check: July 7th.

*Returned to neighbor's to announce that my cleaning checks were also next week.

*Was made fun of for finding it necessary to return to that apartment to announce the fact that I no longer had to clean.

*Likened my situation to the woman in the Bible who finds her lost piece of silver and tells her neighbors. I am like the woman. My neighbors are like her neighbors. The postponed cleaning checks are like the piece of silver.

*Continued rejoicing. Continued to be made fun of.

*Returned to house. Sat down in front of Horatio Hornblower with brother.

*Fell asleep on couch, two hours after ideal bedtime.