Not a Sleuth

The Clipper has been caught. Or not "caught" so much as "turned himself in."

Really, it got to the point where I was starting to doubt my own sanity. I wondered if I had done it mindlessly. But this morning, as Squirrel Boy and I mused again over who might be the Clipper, I put binder clips on some more utensils and decided that no, it was too deliberate to be mindless. Someone else had to have done it. But who?

There are few people (okay, so one person) who I could really see coming into my office and opening my drawer. That is Squirrel Boy. We've been friends for years. He can get away with opening my drawer. I just couldn't see any of my other coworkers targeting me, coming into my office, opening my drawer, and psychologically terrorizing me by clipping my key chain and plastic knives.

This morning, I saw The Boy come on google talk for the first time ever. And this is how the conversation went:

11:06 AM The Boy: So it took you that long?

me: what took me that long?

11:07 AM The Boy: Overestimation is as equally dangerous as underestimation.

I take it you don't often use your knives.

me: I don't get what you're saying.

Are you sure you're saying this to me?

Or do you think you're talking to Chris?

The Boy: Quite. I'm just being cryptic.

11:08 AM me: Yes, you are.

Too cryptic.

The Boy: Paper Clips.

me: YOU!

YOU!!!!

The Boy: Or binder clips, should I say.

me: BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

The Boy: I did that when we went to Lagoon.

11:09 AM me: I was starting to think that I'd gone crazy and it was actually ME!!!!

The Boy: I put a clip in your keychain, and put them on several knives. And only the knives.

me: I KNOW!

The Boy: That was what? Three weeks ago? Two?

me: So I thought they were two separate events.

11:10 AM The Boy: I cried when I read that blog post.

So very proud of myself.

So two weeks ago, The Boy, Murray, and I went to Lagoon for a corporate event. While we waited for Murray to come so we could carpool, The Boy hung out with me in my office. Obviously I left him alone long enough to do this horrible thing to me.

So I'm not a sleuth. First of all, when I found the binder clip on my key chain (likely the next day) I was sure that it could have only happened that day. I was sure that I would have noticed it if it had been there before. That was my first mistake. Secondly, two weeks later when I found the binder clips on my knives, I was convinced that they hadn't been there that morning. Such a wrong assumption.

From this I conclude:

1) No one at work is as fun or funny as The Boy.
2) I should never be trusted as an eye-witness of a crime because obviously I get all my details wrong. This is ironic since I've been subpoenaed as a witness twice in my life (but never had to testify).
3) Simple psychological terror like this is almost enough to make me believe I've gone crazy. I'm an easy target.

CASE CLOSED

Pretty Flowers

So my BFF Martha Stewart told me last year that I could put potted mums in a white pumpkin. Of course, she didn't necessarily say to do it for my wedding; it was more of an "October" thing. But I was thinking they would make nice centerpieces for the wedding. Now, does anyone know where I might find 10+ white pumpkins?

I am being terrorized. I am a victim.

Last week, as I was locking up my office for the day, I noticed a binder clip on my key chain. It didn't just accidentally get tangled up with it. It was intentionally fed through the ring onto my key chain. See Exhibit A.

Exhibit A

Squirrel Boy doesn't have an office. I remind him of this every now and then. His cubicle is right outside my office, so I asked him if he saw anyone come into my office. I showed him my key chain and explained that since the binder clip was in between my home key and my office key, I would have noticed if it had been on the key chain earlier. It meant that someone had entered my office, strung the clip onto my key chain, and left. Squirrel Boy said he didn't do it.

Today, after serving the community and donating blood, I came back to my office and decided to indulge in a delicious piece of chocolate cake to reward my blood-donating efforts.

I opened my drawer to find my box of utensils and noticed the following. See Exhibit B. These knives were inside my box of utensils. I know that the clips were not there earlier today because I'd already used a spoon from the box and given a coworker a fork.

Exhibit B

Again, I confronted Squirrel Boy because he should certainly be keeping an eye on my office. I know it's not him because he says that he really wishes it were him because it's so funny. Someone is coming in and terrorizing me. It's so subtle. So deliberate. So terrifying.

I will get to the bottom of this.

This picture is now hanging on my door.

Bling!

I've been waiting to post a picture of the ring. I tried to take a picture with my iSight, but it was too blurry for you to really be able to tell what the ring actually looks like. So last night, Murray and I were using his work's studio to do some test shots for our engagement photos and I had him snap a picture of me and the ring so that I could share it with all of you.

So this is my unique and perfect ring, compliments of Murray.

Premarital Weightloss

So I am trying a new workout program, thanks to El Senor. I may have mentioned before that when I was growing up, El Senor would put Weight Watchers and Shape magazines on my bed and tell me to use them. (He hates it when I say that because then you all think that he's a jerk---he's not a jerk. He just used to be. And I used to be a jerk to him.)

But when I moved in with him last year, I was surprised to see that he had slipped into his old ways and subscribed to Fitness Magazine. I saw the magazine in the mail and brought it to him, asking why he had subscribed to a women's magazine. He claimed he hadn't. I pointed out to him the women's magazine that clearly had his name on it. And then he remembered that after a cycling event he'd attended that summer, for his participation, he was allowed to subscribe to a few magazines for free. So he chose Men's Health or something, and something else, and then saw the name "Fitness" and decided to subscribe to that magazine, too.

Of course, reality is that in the last 20 years, he's become a better liar. I know he subscribed to that magazine because he figured I needed to do something about it.

And it's only taken me a year to finally implement a regime from the book. My coworker and I are hitting the gym three times a week together to follow this kick-butt workout, and I really do hope that it kicks my butt. So far, my butt, thighs, abs, and back have been sore. I could probably pick up a higher weight to get my arms and shoulders.

And this is why I need to kick it into high gear: