Seven years ago, I bought a skirt at Le Chateau, a somewhat hoochy Canadian store. Of course, the skirt wasn't actually hoochy (you could find good stuff amongst the hooch if you really tried hard enough). It was long, patterned, and unique. Very unique. In a really good way, I believed.
I didn't bring it with me on my mission. It was a wrap around skirt, so I didn't want to have to deal with that. It was also a hard pattern to match with a button-up shirt or a blazer, so altogether it was a bad choice for the mission. But sometimes when I thought of home, I thought of this skirt and how joyous our reunion would be.
Once I got home and reacquainted myself with my skirt, I began to wear it on a fairly regular basis. Every time I put it on, I looked in the mirror and thought, "Dang, this is a cute skirt!" I'd go out with confidence during the day (except for all the times the wind would blow my skirt open, because that gets annoying).
Then, one day, I realized something very interesting. On all these days that I wore my skirt, no one ever complimented me on my skirt or my outfit. I started wondering if my skirt were actually ugly to other people, whereas it was still really cute to me. I started paying attention to whether or not I was getting compliments. I wasn't. Ever. But I kept wearing the skirt because I really thought that it was cute.
One day when I was wearing this skirt, I stopped by Tolkien Boy's work for a quick visit. He greeted me with a smile and then said something like, "That is a very medieval-looking skirt!"
I was unsure how to take this. Tolkien Boy is a self-proclaimed fashionphobe, and so for him to comment on what I was wearing was something huge. But to call my skirt medieval? What did that mean? All I could think of was the Medieval Club, and in relation to that, "medieval" could be nothing but an insult. And yet, Tokien Boy had taken an Old English class... And so I probed.
"Medieval? Meaning...? Is that a good thing, or a bad thing, Tolkers?"
He gave an answer that was as vague as the original statement, and under pressure finally conceded that it was a nice skirt. My first compliment in years. From a fashionphobe. Apologies to Tolkien Boy, but I couldn't trust it.
Only then something strange happened. About an hour later, as I was walking outside, a stranger approached me to tell me that my skirt was really cute. Still later that day, I ran into Tolkien Boy in the library, and as we stood talking, a friend of mine passed by and---in passing---told me how great my skirt was.
The fact is that since Tolkien Boy's comment on my skirt, I can no longer wear the skirt without receiving compliments. Perhaps it was cursed or bewitched for a while and needed only special words from Tolkien Boy to break the spell. I'll never know, but I'll walk confident, knowing that the skirt can continue to enjoy years of looking good.
I must tell the world.
About two or three weeks ago, El Senor moved to Salt Lake City. He got a job up there, so he's been living with PM and CF while he has been looking at housing options. It must be said that for the past several months, El Senor has lived down the street from me and The Boy. I miss him. I knew that I'd miss him. Especially during fall semester, I wasn't doing anything socially with anyone on a regular basis besides El Senor. Additionally, he'd come over several nights a week and we'd watch our TV shows together. Monday's were for 24. Tuesdays were for House. Wednesdays were for Lost and Law & Order.
So today, The Boy came home to our apartment and said, "So is El Senor coming over for 24 tonight?"
I said, "Uh... El Senor lives in Salt Lake, The Boy."
He responded, "Since when did that happen??"
Apparently someone manages to stay out of the family loop, despite the fact that he lives with me.
So today, The Boy came home to our apartment and said, "So is El Senor coming over for 24 tonight?"
I said, "Uh... El Senor lives in Salt Lake, The Boy."
He responded, "Since when did that happen??"
Apparently someone manages to stay out of the family loop, despite the fact that he lives with me.
Pretty in Pink (Panties)
I have admitted to owning over fifty pair of panties before. Today, this is no longer the case. I have less than a two-week supply of very sensible underwear, if you know what I mean. Sensible, plain, and white.
Except that it's not white anymore.
Today, being Saturday, I felt inspired to do laundry so that tomorrow I can wear clean underwear. I put almost every white article of clothing I own into the washing machine.
Shortly after, I went downstairs to move my laundry from the washing machine to the dryer. I opened the dryer and to my surprise, discovered a load of very pink clothing. This was baffling, since I was certain that I hadn't put my lucky red cap in with the load.
I pulled pair after pair of pink underwear and pink undershirts out of the washer. I pulled out my formerly white bath robe, now somewhat more feminine. I pulled out a formerly white shirt that belongs to El Senor. I pulled out my very pink sports bra.
And all the while, I was looking for the offending item. There was none. So I knew that the offenders were actually the couple in the other apartment of this house. When I asked them about it, they admitted that yes, they had been using our washing machine to dye clothing.
Many thanks to them to the several pink additions to my wardrobe. I feel pretty... oh so pretty!
Except that it's not white anymore.
Today, being Saturday, I felt inspired to do laundry so that tomorrow I can wear clean underwear. I put almost every white article of clothing I own into the washing machine.
Shortly after, I went downstairs to move my laundry from the washing machine to the dryer. I opened the dryer and to my surprise, discovered a load of very pink clothing. This was baffling, since I was certain that I hadn't put my lucky red cap in with the load.
I pulled pair after pair of pink underwear and pink undershirts out of the washer. I pulled out my formerly white bath robe, now somewhat more feminine. I pulled out a formerly white shirt that belongs to El Senor. I pulled out my very pink sports bra.
And all the while, I was looking for the offending item. There was none. So I knew that the offenders were actually the couple in the other apartment of this house. When I asked them about it, they admitted that yes, they had been using our washing machine to dye clothing.
Many thanks to them to the several pink additions to my wardrobe. I feel pretty... oh so pretty!
Moments of Stupidity
We all have them. Moments where we think something or (heaven forbid!) say something truly stupid. And we should keep these moments to ourselves. But in honor of the fact that I just had one of these stupid moments, I'm going to share several from my life and from the lives of loved ones.
T-shirt
I was editing today and came across the word T-shirt. I thought to myself, "I need to double-check this. I can't remember if T-shirt is one of those words that always needs the capital letter..." Before I could reach for a dictionary, I looked at the word in a way that I had never seen it before. The "T" of T-shirt actually forms the shape of the shirt! The moment I realized it, I also realized that this is something that everyone else in the world has always known, and that I am waaaaay behind in figuring it out.
Magical Machine
A good friend was once washing dishes by hand at her sister's apartment in New York. At a moment of frustration, she thought, "Couldn't they, like, invent a machine that does all this for you? It could wash the dishes and then dry them, too?"
Sleep Deprivation
During my sophomore year, I pulled several all-nighters. In fact, I kept Mountain Dew in my apartment for these occasions. I knew that I hated Mountain Dew enough to never touch the stuff unless I needed it, so when I needed caffeine, it would be there for me. One morning, as I was walking to work at 7:45 a.m. and guzzling down a disgusting can of Mountain Dew (no such beverage should be consumed by anyone so early in the morning), I thought, "Couldn't someone invent a morning drink with caffeine in it? I can't believe no one has thought of this yet!" Then, seconds later, "Oh yeah... tea and coffee. The two beverages that everyone else in the world drinks every morning."
Not a Mind Reader
El Senor had a class several years ago where on the first day, the teacher was reminding all students to always put their names on their papers during the semester. He explained, "I'm not clairvoyant. Your TAs aren't clairvoyant. Please remember to put your names on your papers." A student at the front of the class raised her hand and asked, "Who is clairvoyant?" The teacher responded, "No one. I'm not. The TAs aren't." The student insisted, "No, but who is Clair Voyant?"
T-shirt
I was editing today and came across the word T-shirt. I thought to myself, "I need to double-check this. I can't remember if T-shirt is one of those words that always needs the capital letter..." Before I could reach for a dictionary, I looked at the word in a way that I had never seen it before. The "T" of T-shirt actually forms the shape of the shirt! The moment I realized it, I also realized that this is something that everyone else in the world has always known, and that I am waaaaay behind in figuring it out.
Magical Machine
A good friend was once washing dishes by hand at her sister's apartment in New York. At a moment of frustration, she thought, "Couldn't they, like, invent a machine that does all this for you? It could wash the dishes and then dry them, too?"
Sleep Deprivation
During my sophomore year, I pulled several all-nighters. In fact, I kept Mountain Dew in my apartment for these occasions. I knew that I hated Mountain Dew enough to never touch the stuff unless I needed it, so when I needed caffeine, it would be there for me. One morning, as I was walking to work at 7:45 a.m. and guzzling down a disgusting can of Mountain Dew (no such beverage should be consumed by anyone so early in the morning), I thought, "Couldn't someone invent a morning drink with caffeine in it? I can't believe no one has thought of this yet!" Then, seconds later, "Oh yeah... tea and coffee. The two beverages that everyone else in the world drinks every morning."
Not a Mind Reader
El Senor had a class several years ago where on the first day, the teacher was reminding all students to always put their names on their papers during the semester. He explained, "I'm not clairvoyant. Your TAs aren't clairvoyant. Please remember to put your names on your papers." A student at the front of the class raised her hand and asked, "Who is clairvoyant?" The teacher responded, "No one. I'm not. The TAs aren't." The student insisted, "No, but who is Clair Voyant?"
Visiting Teachers Bless My Life
This is the pathetic tale of my day yesterday, after 6:00 p.m.
I went home from school to get right to work on my homework. I'd have two solid hours before El Senor came over to watch Lost with me. I unpacked my computer. I unpacked my... hmm... where was my power cord to the computer?
Now you may remember that I mentioned recently that my batteries are absolutely dead. That means that without a power cord, I have no access to my computer. And I happened to have a group project due tomorrow and all of the group's files were on my computer. Crap.
So I called the library department where I had last used my computer. No one turned in a power cord. I called library security / library lost and found and no one had turned in a power cord. But the guy assured me that if someone turned it in, it would turn up in at least three days. Three days! He also let me know that if someone brought the power cord to the campus lost and found, it would be there, of course, but I'd have no access to it until tomorrow morning since it closes at 5:00 p.m.
So there was no way I was going to find my power cord tonight.
So I called Viper to see if he had a power cord that could work on my computer. I went to his apartment and tried every one of his roommates' power cords. Then I went to the neighbors' and tried every one of their power cords. Then I called Best Buy and found out that they had a compatible power cord, but that it would cost me $90. Then I called my visiting teacher and asked her to take me to Best Buy because I really needed the cord. Then I called my mom to complain, only my dad answered the phone and he was offended that I didn't want to talk to him and I only wanted to talk to my mom. Then I told the whole story to my dad. Then he said, "This is why we don't leave things to the last minute." Then I said, "This is why I like to talk to Mom about these things and not you." Then he laughed. A lot. Then my visiting teacher came to pick me up. Then we went to Best Buy and I paid ninety dollars for the power cord. Then I went home and spent a half hour opening the stupid package. Then I plugged in the power cord.
And nothing happened. Although it was supposed to be compatible with my computer, and although everything fit correctly, there was NO POWER going to my computer.
So I called my teacher and left a message asking him to call me that night (he never did). I called my group members letting them know what happened. They were very nice about it, and assured me that it was their fault, too, because they should have backed up the files elsewhere.
Then I called my mom again and again and again until she finally picked up her phone. Then I told her about everything that had happened. Then I told her that I could no longer talk to her because Lost was starting.
Then I watched Lost but couldn't stop thinking about my lamentable situation.
Then I remembered that one week, when Kit was out of town, I used her office. And I used her Dell DOCKING STATION. And it worked. On my computer. And there was no power cord or battery needed. Then I called Kit, because even though she is not my visiting teacher, she is the best visiting teacher in the whole world and is one of those people who is always willing to help others out. And I told her about my situation. And she said that of course she would come and pick me up and bring me to her office so that I could get the files off my computer.
Then I waited for her, and she showed up to my house with A) a power cord to try on my computer just in case and B) a piece of pumpkin pie.
And guess what? Her power cord fit! And guess what else? It's her spare power cord, so I can use it till I find my lost one!
And that is where I just about cried.
I went home from school to get right to work on my homework. I'd have two solid hours before El Senor came over to watch Lost with me. I unpacked my computer. I unpacked my... hmm... where was my power cord to the computer?
Now you may remember that I mentioned recently that my batteries are absolutely dead. That means that without a power cord, I have no access to my computer. And I happened to have a group project due tomorrow and all of the group's files were on my computer. Crap.
So I called the library department where I had last used my computer. No one turned in a power cord. I called library security / library lost and found and no one had turned in a power cord. But the guy assured me that if someone turned it in, it would turn up in at least three days. Three days! He also let me know that if someone brought the power cord to the campus lost and found, it would be there, of course, but I'd have no access to it until tomorrow morning since it closes at 5:00 p.m.
So there was no way I was going to find my power cord tonight.
So I called Viper to see if he had a power cord that could work on my computer. I went to his apartment and tried every one of his roommates' power cords. Then I went to the neighbors' and tried every one of their power cords. Then I called Best Buy and found out that they had a compatible power cord, but that it would cost me $90. Then I called my visiting teacher and asked her to take me to Best Buy because I really needed the cord. Then I called my mom to complain, only my dad answered the phone and he was offended that I didn't want to talk to him and I only wanted to talk to my mom. Then I told the whole story to my dad. Then he said, "This is why we don't leave things to the last minute." Then I said, "This is why I like to talk to Mom about these things and not you." Then he laughed. A lot. Then my visiting teacher came to pick me up. Then we went to Best Buy and I paid ninety dollars for the power cord. Then I went home and spent a half hour opening the stupid package. Then I plugged in the power cord.
And nothing happened. Although it was supposed to be compatible with my computer, and although everything fit correctly, there was NO POWER going to my computer.
So I called my teacher and left a message asking him to call me that night (he never did). I called my group members letting them know what happened. They were very nice about it, and assured me that it was their fault, too, because they should have backed up the files elsewhere.
Then I called my mom again and again and again until she finally picked up her phone. Then I told her about everything that had happened. Then I told her that I could no longer talk to her because Lost was starting.
Then I watched Lost but couldn't stop thinking about my lamentable situation.
Then I remembered that one week, when Kit was out of town, I used her office. And I used her Dell DOCKING STATION. And it worked. On my computer. And there was no power cord or battery needed. Then I called Kit, because even though she is not my visiting teacher, she is the best visiting teacher in the whole world and is one of those people who is always willing to help others out. And I told her about my situation. And she said that of course she would come and pick me up and bring me to her office so that I could get the files off my computer.
Then I waited for her, and she showed up to my house with A) a power cord to try on my computer just in case and B) a piece of pumpkin pie.
And guess what? Her power cord fit! And guess what else? It's her spare power cord, so I can use it till I find my lost one!
And that is where I just about cried.
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