Murray: We could have guano.
(I think Murray just likes to show off that he knows the word for bat poop.)
Me: We could do that.
Murray: I think it's white.
Me: It is not white.
Murray, in a borderline condescending tone: I'm pretty sure it is white.
Me: I know what guano looks like. It's not white. It looks like mouse poop.
Murray: No, I think it's white.
Me: I will bet you ten thousand dollars that it looks like mouse poop.
Murray looks it up online.
Let's take this small moment to just point out that Murray knows a lot of random things. But there are times that I know a random fact or two and when I happen to know it, it seems that Murray rarely believes me. Like the time that I was trying to tell him that superman was invented by a Canadian. That debate I would say got fairly heated.
So back to the guano:
What does that look like?
Murray, trying to save face: See all this white area around this image? That's the guano.
Me: And then a mouse came and pooped all over it. So. Murray. Do you realize that when I speak somewhat authoritatively on a matter it is because there is an actual real reason for me to know something? Like for example, we had a hunt camp when I was growing up and the attic was full of bats and the ceiling had holes in it and the bat poop would drop down on us every day and we had to sleep with our mouths closed and sweep it up in the morning. I know what guano looks like.
Murray: Well why is bird poop white?
Me: I think they pee and poo out the same hole.
-- Posted from my iPhone, with apologies for any typos.